


Things To Do

by MtheRenegade



Series: Welcome to the Heist [2]
Category: Grand Theft Auto V, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Achievement Hunter Heists, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe-GTA V, Betrayal, Camaraderie, Comedy, Episode: Let's Play – GTA V – Lindsay's Heist, Explicit Language, Fake AH Crew, GTA Heists, GTA V-verse, Gavin's Heist, Grand Heist, Heist, Jack's Heist, Lindsay's Heist, Michael's Heist, Prison Break Heist, Ray's Heist, Ryan's Heist, The Trojan Bar Heist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:30:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8705119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MtheRenegade/pseuds/MtheRenegade
Summary: A year has passed since the Fake AH Crew successfully freed Geoff from prison. It’s been a long year of success for the Crew, but as their good luck seems to slip, Matt Hullum begins making a familiar demand: step it up or die. Can the Crew rally once more to pull off another successful series of heists or will they crack under the strain?





	1. Things to Do in Los Santos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year older and a year wiser does not necessarily spell success for the Fake Ah Crew.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!” Geoff “the Stache” Ramsey muttered through gritted teeth, though no one heard him over the police sirens that followed. He yanked the steering wheel to the left and went around a sharp turn on two wheels, cracking his head on the window before the van settled down with a thump. The engine whined as the needle climbed past 80 into the 90s and the metallic ping of bullets fell like rain on the sides of the van. Already the side windows had been shot out and the back windshield wasn’t going to hold out much longer. When it went his head was going to be target number one.

“RIGHT!”

Geoff did as he was bid, this time going up on a sidewalk and nearly flattening a woman. The woman got clear, the tiny dog she had on a leash didn’t and Geoff bounced in his seat as the van bumped over the poor thing. Jack “the Beard” Patillo, who had shouted at him to turn, swore loudly and peeked back out of the nearly shattered window. “We have to lose them!”

“You hit the dog!” 

“I KNOW JEREMY!” Geoff roared. 

Jeremy “Lil J” Dooley glared, but leaned back out of the smashed window and aimed his assault rifle carefully, taking precise shots at their pursuers. “I’ve got their tires in sight,” he told Geoff. “Keep going and don’t kill any more dogs!”

“This isn’t working!” Kerry “Dragonface” Shawcross yelled. “You have got to move faster.”

“We need back up.” Jack yelled. “I called Michael, Gavin, Ryan, and Ray but no one is answering.”

“We can’t worry about that now,” Geoff shouted. “We have to lose them or we’re done.” He took another sharp turn. But again the cops followed, though some skidded too wide and crashed and one even took one of Jeremy’s shot to the tire and flipped over the sidewalk. He still had a good six or seven cop cars on him and one annoying SWAT van that was firing heavily at them. The van wasn’t going to hold out much longer. He had to find a way out.

Suddenly the sound of a car horn howled from his right and Geoff saw a black SUV gunning right for his side. He floored the engine and shot past the SUV, but the cops behind him were too late. The leading cars slammed into the SUV, causing the other to pile up. The pursuit was cut off in the resounding clash of metal.

“Dude, whoever was in that SUV is fucked,” Jeremy said in awe.

“Good thing it was empty then.” A new voice crackled over the Bluetooth headsets they were all wearing

“RYAN WHAT THE HELL!” Jack shouted, making everyone jump, or swerve in Geoff the driver’s case. “Why didn’t you answer my call?”

“I did!” Ryan “the Mad King” Haywood replied indignantly. “I answered it by crashing a truck into the cops that were chasing you,”

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” That was Ray “BrownMan” Narvaez Jr. sounding more than a little disgruntled. “Also I think I broke my arm jumping from that truck, can I get workman’s comp?”

“Workman’s comp is for people who show up on time to help their boss during a robbery!” Geoff shouted back.

“I was off duty! You weren't supposed to need us!” Ray replied.

“Yeah well, I can’t pay for off duty injuries so there!” Geoff spat back.

“Lame.”

“We’re approaching the drop off,” Jack announced as the sirens faded. “We need to get the money split up and get away from this vehicle.”

“We’ll stay on channel until you’re secure,” Ryan added.

Geoff slowed down as he approached the freeway, turning and exiting the main road and driving over grass and under the overpass. He kept going until he saw a flash of metal in the darkness under the overpass as his headlights lit up two black SUVS, a motorcycle, and one old fashioned looking gangster car with a green star-shaped emblem on it. That was the AH mobile, which surprised Geoff. It wasn’t supposed to be here, but it was likely Michael “Rage Quit” Jones had gone to the rendezvous after Jack’s frantic calls for help.

Geoff killed the engine and Jack grabbed the three duffle bags of cash that they had lifted from the First Bank of Los Santos. Jack passed one to Jeremy and one to Kerry before taking the last one and exiting the van.

“Jeremy, you take your share to the warehouse,” Geoff instructed. “Kerry, head for the abandoned shack near the Vinewood sign. Jack and I will take Matt his share and we’ll split the rest up tomorrow.”

“Got it,” Matt said.

“I’m out,” Ray said in Geoff’s ear. “I’ll see you guys in the office tomorrow.”

“Geoff, I’ll meet up with you in a minute,” Ryan added before the signed off.

“I’ll ditch the van, drop the cash, and head out,” Kerry said to Geoff. “I have that meeting with Miles and Gray to get to.”

“Great, thanks guys,” Geoff said to one and all. “I’ll see you all tomorrow…on time!” he added forcefully at the end.

They split up and Kerry prepped the van to roll into the lake nearby before he headed out with his share of the cash. Jeremy took one of the SUVS and pulled out heading in the complete opposite direction. Geoff and Jack slid into the Roosevelt known as the AH (or Achievement Hunter) mobile and nodded to Michael in the front seat. Michael, like Ray and Ryan, had been left out of the robbery plans since Geoff figured they would only need a small crew. Boy had he been wrong.

“Got your text,” Michael said to Jack. “Figured you could use a ride instead of getting on that a death trap of a motorcycle.”

“Thanks, Geoff said gratefully.

“Yeah that didn’t go so well,” Jack added.

“I know,” Geoff said as Michael started the engine and pulled out. “We should have brought in more people.”

“What happened anyway?” Michael asked. “I thought Kerry and Lil J were supposed to drive the decoy and head up Mount Chiliad to the warehouse?” While not involved, Michael knew what the plan was since Geoff made it a point to let everyone know in case someone had to be called in for back-up.

“We never made it that far,” Geoff replied. “The cops had the decoy van before we even made it out of the vault. Kerry barely escaped. We all had to run for the van in the alley and cops were on us when we pulled out.” Geoff winced as he remembered the innumerable cop cars skid into the side alley where his and Jack’s getaway car had been.

“It’s like they knew the plan,” Jack said.

“You think someone squealed?” Michael asked, glancing over at Geoff in the passenger seat.

“Who would?” Geoff asked.

Michael shrugged. He couldn’t argue with that.

Geoff leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes wearily. It had been a long year since the Fake AH Crew, the gang front of The Rooster Teeth Crime Syndicate, had broken Geoff out of prison and risen to the status of most successful gang in Los Santos. Achievement Hunter gamer nerds by day and criminal nerds by night, the Fake AH Crew had finally rallied their combined strengths to pull off one successful job after another. They were the most coveted gang in Los Santos, with many other small organized crime units seeking to join them. Already they had picked up a Los Angeles branch operating under the name FunHaus who served as a gang faction and an addition to their YouTube presence. They were in talks to pick up two more YouTube groups, though not for the gang but for Achievement Hunter

Success came at a heavy cost however. The better they did, the more demands their boss, Matt Hullum, put on them. Matt was the CEO of Rooster Teeth and undisputed leader of the Rooster Teeth Crime Syndicate. He was overall a scary fellow. If Matt told you to do something, you did it. Along with Burnie Burns, Gus Sorola, Joel Heyman, and Geoff himself, Matt was one of the five founding members of Rooster Teeth and the founder of the Syndicate, their criminal operations.

While the past year had been fruitful for Geoff and the Crew, it had not alway been so. Upon realizing that the Fake AH Crew was the worst gang in Los Santos, Matt gave them all one final chance to prove that they were not completely useless or they would be replaced. In their world, replaced was synonymous with killed off. Each of the six members of the AH crew had the opportunity to plan and execute a heist in which they would work together to pull off enormous feats and make up for their poor reputation and their waning monetary gains. It was great in theory, but the flaws that typically ruined up their petty crime attempts exploded (usually literally) in much grander ways during these large jobs and only one of the heists, Michael’s, had been successful. Even then, that was only because he had let his fear get the best of him and had betrayed everyone in the gang except his best friend, Gavin “the Brit” Free. and his wife, Lindsay. Luckily he had seen the error of his ways and the Crew had somehow become stronger than ever...though not enough to pull off another successful job after that.

After seven failed jobs, the last one resulting in Geoff’s arrest, Matt had written the Crew off and sent Burnie Burns, co-founder of Rooster Teeth and the Syndicate’s executioner, to kill them off as was custom in the Syndicate. However, spurred on by their loyalty to Geoff and their guilt at having failed him so many times (and by their innate desires to bring chaos) the Crew had manage to stand up to Burnie and work with him to get Matt off their backs long enough to get Geoff out of prison. No one had ever broken out of Los Santos Penitentiary before and it was considered impossible, but if there was (and still is) one thing the Fake AH Crew was good at it was achieving the impossible. (For example, surviving the chaotic failure of seven heist that really should have killed them.) They broke Geoff out and escaped, pulling off what was still called the crime of the century to this day in Los Santos. Immediately gangs clamored to join the Syndicate bringing money and resources beyond anything Matt had dreamed of. He had no choice but to pay off judges and policemen to exonerate the Crew. They had finally achieved their goals.

Since then, they had pulled off nearly two dozen successful robberies, hacks, and drug runs, completing one job after another with aplomb. Bolstered by their confidence from the prison break, they almost could do no wrong. However, the strain was starting to tell on them. The cops came closer each time to nabbing them and while they hadn’t made as many mistake as they did before, their old ways of being late, straying from the plan, and just barely surviving were slowly starting to creep in. It didn’t help that the cops suddenly seemed able to predict their every move. 

This time for example, they were supposed to have made away with five times the take they actually had. They had enough to pay Matt, but their individual shares weren’t what they had hoped for. The bags carried by Kerry and Jeremy held a measly 5 grand each that Jack had split up during their frenzied car chase. Geoff’s bag held ten thousand dollars for Matt which had not been an outrageous demand when they had planned to walk away with at least one hundred thousand dollars. Unfortunately, the cops had been on the bank before Jeremy, Geoff, Jack, and Kerry had cleared even half of the vault. It was suspicious, but Geoff knew that after everything he and his crew had been through, not one of them would have betrayed them to the cops.

Still, Geoff couldn’t worry about that now. They had to pay Matt before they could go home. Despite the fact that Matt was getting his cut for the Syndicate, he wouldn’t miss the fact that there was barely any left after that. The more that happened, the more he had hinted that it was time for them to attempt another group job. To stave off the chaos of a group heist, Geoff had organized the bank robbery, which promised a significant profit with minimal participation. It hadn’t been enough. Their heists were great but dangerous and stressful. After the last year of non-stop work, both within the gang and with Achievement Hunter, he wasn’t sure if they could survive another heist. He had also promised the Crew that they would not have to face any more heists. He was a man of his word.

Michael pulled into the Rooster Teeth parking lot and killed the engine. Geoff opened his eyes and sat up groaning. He felt a million years old, but it didn’t matter. He had to go pay Matt and pray that they would get a chance to rest before the man saddled them with even higher expectations.

He wouldn’t bet on that one though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Part 2 of the Welcome to the Heist Series! The Crew has enjoyed a year of success but as always their old ways are creeping in. How will they handle the pressure? Why is Ray so cranky? Will Matt stop being a dick?
> 
> Let's find out!


	2. Expectations Go to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff has a serious case of deja vu.

“You look like hell.”

Geoff scowled at Gus Sorola as he limped into the studio. Gus was perched at his desk typing furiously but not looking at Geoff as he passed Gus’s office.

“You don't look much better,” Geoff said crabbily.

“Yeah well you try planning an entire convention and tell me how you'd look,” Gus said darkly. “I’ll trade you: bank robberies for RTX? I could do with some organized chaos.”

“You couldn’t pay me to plan RTX,” Geoff replied.

“I am being paid to do it and I still want to scream,” Gus muttered. “Oh, by the way, we have Heroes and Halfwits in an hour.”

“FUCK!”

Gus snorted. “You forgot again?”

Geoff flicked Gus off. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

Gus nodded and went back to work as Geoff trekked down the hall to Matt’s office. Jack was by the door and Michael was leaning against wall.

“Forgot Halfwits?” Michael asked cheekily when he saw Geoff’s scowl.

“Yes,” grouched Geoff. “Though it does explain why Ryan said he was on his way.”

“Go pay Matt, I’m gonna go get ready,” Michael said. “Also Griffon’s waiting for you in the office.”

“Yeah,” Geoff said tiredly. Griffon, Geoff’s wife, was the fourth participant on Heroes and Halfwits, Rooster Teeth’s new Dungeons and Dragons show.

Geoff knocked twice and opened the door. Behind the desk in front of the large window sat a normal looking man with glasses and a slightly receding hairline. He was typing away on his computer and chanced a glance up at Geoff and Jack before resuming his work. To an outsider, he looked like your normal friendly office worker. To those who knew better, he was a ruthless crime boss, feared by his employees.

Matt Hullum was not someone to be messed with.

“Hey Geoff,” he said easily. “Just leave it by my desk. Is it all there?”

“Yeah,” Geoff said. “Ten grand as promised.”

“Awesome,” Matt said with half a smile, still not looking up from his computer. “Maybe we have enough to get some more help back in the Achievement Hunter office. I know you need it.”

“It’d be nice,” Geoff admitted. Matt had been more normal, less “I’m going to murder your face” since the Crew had been successful lately. He had dropped a few ominous hints about another heist lately, but not with the same demands and threats as he had done almost two years ago now. It seemed that Geoff was catching him in a good mood tonight.

“Anyway, I have to get to Halfwits, see ya later Matt,” Geoff said. He nodded to Jack and they turned to the door. Jack’s hand had just reached for the doorknob when Matt’s voice stopped them.

“How much did you get away with anyway?” Matt asked idly...too idly.

Geoff closed his eyes wearily and considered lying, but there would be no point.

“Twenty grand,” Jack said to the door.

Geoff heard the typing stop.

“I thought you said you could get at least one hundred,” Matt said. It wasn’t actually a question.

Geoff turned and glared defiantly. “The cops were on us before we even got out of the vault. It was almost like they knew our plan.”

Matt sighed. “So either we have a member of the Crew trading secrets—”

“Never,” Geoff and Jack said together. They knew what would happen if even one of them came under suspicion for that. It wouldn’t be pretty. That and Geoff firmly believed in his soul that his Crew would never betray him.

“Then the alternative is that your plans are becoming flimsy and predictable,” Matt said. “There’s really no other logical explanation.”

Geoff scowled. “Someone could have hacked into the headsets or any of the other tech we use.”

“Adam has locked down our servers,” Matt replied, naming Rooster Teeth’s technology director. “No one is getting in.”

Geoff really didn’t want to say “then I don’t know.” That answer wasn’t going to end well. He stayed silent instead and Jack tensed next to him.

“Geoff,” Matt said gearing up for a speech.

“No,” Geoff said immediately. “No way.”

“Geoff your profits have dropped by three percent in the last three months,” Matt said. “You’ve barely been able to make the last three payments to the Syndicate. I know you are struggling.”

“I’m not doing it,” Geoff said adamantly. “Not again. It nearly killed us last time!”

“But looked what you accomplished!” Matt said taking off his glasses and tossing them onto the desk in exasperation. “You pulled off the impossible and since then you have succeeded at every turn. It’s only lately that you’ve slipped. A heist—”

“—will kill us!” Geoff said. “We’ve been running hard, non-stop for a year and it’s been a year of successes with near misses. We can’t push any harder, Matt!”

Matt sighed and slumped back in his chair rubbing the bridge of his nose. “So you’re saying you are at the limit of your usefulness? Is that what I am hearing?”

“No,” Jack said quickly. “No, definitely not that. Geoff is just expressing his concerns. We can do better. We can, we just need to…regroup.”

Geoff bit his tongue against the angry diatribe he was ready to fling at Matt. It was the first time in a year that Matt had threatened them like this. It was so reminiscent of this time two years ago that he could feel fear deep in his gut as he remembered where he had stood a then, so close to the end and the Crew never knew…

_Burnie came at Geoff with his gun raised and a deep-seeded fear and regret in his eyes. Behind him, Matt turned away from the computer with unfeeling eyes to bear witness without emotion. Geoff backed away, unconscious of the words and the begging that spilled from his lips as his back collided with the locked door_

_“Don’t do this. Matt, don’t do this! We’re not done yet. We aren’t done. Matt, please!”_

_But Matt wasn’t moving and Burnie was still coming almost in slow motion. Geoff craned his head as far away from Burnie as he could, but Burnie’s gun found its mark and he pressed the silencer against Geoff’s forehead._

_“I am so God damn sorry,” Burnie whispered and cocked the hammer._

_“WAIT!” Geoff shouted. “I HAVE A PLAN!”_

_Matt raised his eyebrows. “Burnie, hold up.” Burnie stepped away from Geoff and let out a huge sigh of very temporary relief._

_“A plan?” Matt asked mildly._

_“A plan,” Geoff said. “I was going to run it by the guys before this, but it is guaranteed to get you huge profits.”_

_“Heard that before,” Matt said warningly._

_“If it doesn’t we’re dead,” Geoff said quickly. “Here’s the beauty of it: either we succeed or die in the attempt because we are going to do something huge, something we’ve never done before.”_

_“And what’s that?”_

_“A heist,” Geoff blurted out. “A massive job where we all work together for a much larger take.”_

_Matt frowned, but he looked more thoughtful and less menacing. “Your small jobs all end in disaster. How will a bigger one be different?”_

_“The jobs fail because we don’t do well individually or in small groups,” Geoff explained as fast as he could. “We’ve never pulled off a crime as a whole, but all of our group hijinks and projects are successful because we all balance each other out. It should hold true of we work together on a massive robbery.”_

_Matt thought about this for a moment. “I could see that, in theory. Who would plan this?”_

_Geoff hadn’t thought of that and he would live to regret the words that had come out of his mouth in that moment. “All of us. One each. There’s six of us so that means six huge profits and an unbelievable amount of street cred. And with jobs this big and the chaos we have planned, we will either bring home the cash or bring home our bodies. You know our chances of survival are slim.”_

_Matt said nothing and Burnie finally spoke up. “This solves a problem,” he said gently. “Either they succeed and there is no need to kill them or the die trying and our hands are clean.”_

_Matt was still silent._

_“Look I know we are a bunch of idiots,” Geoff said desperately. “No one know that more than me. But I believe in my guys. They’ll pull through when they see you aren’t messing around anymore.”_

_“And if you fail all six jobs and you’re still alive?” Matt asked._

_Geoff swallowed hard. “I will personally put a bullet in each member of the Crew, including me.”_

_Geoff had him cold. Matt couldn’t say no to that. Anything to keep his hands clean. Matt also had a flair for the dramatic. The idea of Geoff personally betraying each member of the Crew before he himself was brutally murdered by one of his best friends would satisfy the ruthless crime lord._

_Matt leaned back in his chair. “Well…I didn’t love the idea of killing you. Maybe we can give it a shot.”_

_Geoff nearly slumped in relief but he held firm._

_“Get out,” Matt said. “Talk to the Crew and get to work.”_

_Geoff stumbled out of the office and practically ran to the conference room just beside the Achievement Hunter office where the rest of the crew was awaiting orders. Had Matt not spared him, this would have been a death box. Geoff paused just outside of the door and took a minute to listen to the sounds inside: Jack and Ryan arguing, Michael and Gavin wrestling, Ray tapping away on something, likely his 3DS. He could never let them know how close it had been, he could never let them know how afraid he was. But could they really do this? Could they pull of something so huge? And if they didn’t…how could Geoff face each one of his friends and take their life?_

_What had he gotten them into?_

The memory faded and despite the years between him and that moment, he found himself in front of the same desk, the same man, making the same argument. He recalled what Ray had said to him in the cargobob following his prison escape, when they thought they were all about to die: It will always be one fight to the next, living job to job and day to day, That’s no way to live.

“Are you asking us to do another heist or telling us?” Geoff finally said.

Jack face palmed and Geoff deliberate disrespectful jab.

Matt laughed, genuinely amused which creeped Geoff out. He laughed for quite some time until finally, wiping his eyes, he put his glasses back on and looked back at Geoff still grinning.

“What do you think, Geoff?” Matt asked. He didn’t wait for a reply. “You’ve got at least two people who would be capable of planning a heist and you haven’t used them. Start there.”

Geoff sighed, every ounce of weariness whooshing out of him in that one breath. They were stuck. He was a fool. Why had he ever thought they’d be free?

“You got it boss.”


	3. Back in the Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff breaks some news to the Crew. (Spoiler alert: It doesn't go well.)

Griffon was waiting in the office when Geoff and Jack appeared a few minutes later. She saw Geoff’s face and immediately knew something was wrong.

“What happened?” Griffon asked.

“The same god damn thing that happened two years ago,” Geoff spat.

“Another heist?”

“Two.”

“TWO?!”

“At least two. Probably more.”

“What the fuck Geoff?” that was Michael. Geoff hadn’t even seen him coming in from the set and he had arrived just in time to hear Griffon say the word heist. Like the other Crew members, Michael was now passionately anti-heist. Although it had done a lot of good for them, it had been hell and they had barely lived to tell of that time. Like Geoff, both Michael and Griffon, and probably all the rest, worried that more would spell the end of them.

“I thought you said it was over,” Griffon said.  
“I thought it was!” Geoff replied. He rubbed his eyes. “Look, we gotta go in there and film this episode, we’ll deal with this tomorrow.” Geoff fixed Michael with a glare. “Keep the news to yourself I’ll break it first thing tomorrow to the others.”

“Got it,” Michael said

“And don’t tell Gavin.”

“Ok.”

“No, seriously, don’t tell Gavin.”

“Ok, geeze.”  
“Do not under any circumstances tell Ga—“

“O-FUCING-K! GOD DAMN IT GEOFF!” Michael shouted. He punched the wall next to him so hard that one of the pictures fell off. Michael swore under his breath and picked it up. “I heard you. I won’t tell Gavin. Now let’s get in there and do this.”

Michael stormed onto the set of Heroes and Halfwits. He really had no intention of telling Gavin about the latest bombshell. Lindsay on the other hand was fair game. Ryan gave him a weird look as he flung himself into his seat and he looked up to see and equally furious Geoff and Griffon take their spots as well.

“We’re doing another god damn heist aren’t we?” Ryan guessed.

“FUCK!” Geoff shouted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The first time he had announced a heist he had just come from having a gun to his forehead. He had listened at the door to the sound of his Crew acting normal—arguing, playing, and being nerds. Now he was outside of the door and it was dead fucking silent. That, if anything, was a clear indication of the stress level of Achievement Hunter these days.

Geoff stepped inside the office and looked around at the assembled Crew. Michael was texting furiously on his cell phone, Gavin was editing some kind of slow motion explosion on his computer, Ryan was definitely playing Dead by Daylight hoping no one noticed, Ray was messing around his Twitch account, and Jack was filing insurance claims for the van Kerry had trashed in the last heist.

“Ok guys,” Geoff said and the all looked up at him. “Conference room.”

The Crew wordlessly rose to their feet and followed Geoff down the hallway. They passed Kerry on the way who gave them a wide-eyes look of surprise before turning and muttering something to Miles Luna who looked confused. Geoff scowled. Word apparently traveled fast. This was further confirmed when they passed the bungalow and got some sympathetic looks from people making lunch in the kitchen. Most of them had never seen the Crew moving as pack so somberly before so they knew something big was up.

The filed into the conference room and scattered themselves around the table. Geoff stayed standing and surveyed his Crew. Gavin looked vague, which meant Michael had kept his word and not told him. Michael looked on edge, almost nervous which Geoff found odd. Jack looked somber and resigned, but Geoff expected no less given that he had been in the meeting with Matt. Ryan was unreadable, which actually was a bad sign. If he wasn’t relaxed and joking, then there was trouble behind his blank face. Ray looked mutinous. He must have guessed what was up.

“Ok guys,” Geoff said, forcing a cheerfulness he didn’t feel.

“Hi Geoff!” Gavin chirped.

Geoff chuckled. “Hi Gavin.” Geoff looked around at his Crew his eyes resting on each one of them for a moment longer. “Well boys,” Geoff said finally. “No other way to say it: Matt wants another series of heists out of us.”

The response was stony silence until Ray broke it. “You said that was over.”

“I know,” Geoff said.

“So you lied,” Ray said.

“I didn’t lie—”

“Did you tell him?” Ryan asked suddenly. “Matt I mean. Did you tell him we were stretched thin?”

“Yes but—”

“That we were having trouble with the police?”

“Yes but—”

“That we—”

“ENOUGH!” Jack said, slamming his fist on the desk. “Back off Ryan. Let the man talk.”

“Don’t yell at him when Geoff’s the one who promised we were done with all that!” Ray snapped back.

“Hey, Geoff wouldn’t do this to us unless he had too,” Gavin yelled at Ray, uncharacteristically angry,

“Well maybe if you idiots could pull of a successful job,” Michael muttered.

“Fuck you Michael.” Jack turned on him. “You don’t get to talk success since the only time you were ever worth a damn was when you betrayed everyone.”

“You’re one to talk, you fried me with an engine!” Michael shot back.

“Big damn deal, Gavin blew me up with a gas tank, whine about that.” Ray was a little bitter still.

“Yeah well you couldn’t steal a fire truck so bugger off!” Gavin yelled defensively.

“That plan was stupid anyway and killed almost everyone!” Ryan replied.

“Look who’s talking team killer!” Michael snapped, coming to Gavin’s defense.

BANG BANG BANG!

All of the ceiling lights exploded overhead in a shower of sparks and glass that had the entire Crew ducking and covering themselves. Glass rained down on the table with a strangely soft tinkling noise cutting through the now silent room.

The Crew looked up at Geoff who still had his gun raised with murder in his eyes.

From down the hall Burnie yelled. “That’s coming out of your salary, Geoff!”

“Fuck you Burnie!” Geoff yelled back. He lowered his gun but did not release it. “Now...are we done or am I going to start aiming for heads next?” The Crew said nothing and Geoff turned to Ray. “I swear on my life I tried everything to avoid this. If that’s not good enough for you, that’s your problem.”

Ray scowled and folded his arms grumpily, but said nothing. He knew Geoff was true to his word.

“The fact of the matter is we have slipped,” Geoff continued. “The cops seems on us at every turn, so unless one of you is squealing, we are not doing so well. Maybe Matt is right, maybe some big jobs are just what we need to get our heads on straight.”

“Some jobs,” Ryan said, “not just one but some.”

Geoff hears the question that’s not being asked. “Matt said we have two people who are capable. I’m guessing one of those is Jeremy.”

“He’s not ready though,” Michael argued. “He’s too new.”

“I agree,” Geoff said. “Matt said we had two people and could start there but he didn’t say we had to use the two people in question. We can come up with our own again.”

“My brain hurts,” Gavin moaned, covering his head with his hands and slumping down onto the table. “It was hard enough thinking one up. I dunno if I can get two.”

“Especially after how bad your one was,” Ray muttered.

“OY!” Gavin snapped, offended again.

“Gavin, you blew up before you could participate in your own heist,” Geoff said, cutting across the bickering pair. “And you blew up Ray. It was a total failure. You suck dude, get over it.”

Gavin scowled a moment longer before he slumped again and hung his head. “Yeah, I know.”

“It’s ok boi,” Michael said bracingly. “We need you around to keep us all laughing.”

The others agreed and Gavin perked up slightly.

“So if not Jeremy, who?” Jack asked. “Kerry?”

Geoff shook his head. “Kerry isn’t really part of the Crew, and he’s swamped with RWBY right now.”

“Shit!” Gavin and Michael said together.

“You still haven’t recorded your lines have you?” Geoff asked angrily. “God damn it, even Lindsay has finished hers!”

“We’ll get it done,” Michael said hastily. “Let’s focus on this first.”

Geoff made to reply but thought better of it. “So not Kerry or Jeremy, that leaves—”

“Lindsay,” Michael supplied immediately.

Geoff stared.

“Lindsay is technically part of the Crew.” Michael said. “That and uh...she already has a plan.”

Geoff glared. “You told her last night. God damn it Michael, I said—”

“Not to tell Gavin,” Michael interrupted again. “And I didn’t. You said nothing about Lindsay.”

Geoff buried his face in his hands and let out a stream of curses. “Ok, so how do we feel about Lindsay planning a heist?”

“Fine by me!” Gavin said.

“I’m good,” Ryan agreed.

“Lindsay and Michael were the only ones to pull off a successful job,” Jack said. “Let’s give it a shot.”

“I don’t care,” Ray said, still unhappy. Geoff cast him a worried look but Ray turned away from him. Ryan and Geoff exchanged a look. This was a Ray that hadn’t seen since the heists ended. It worried them. They didn’t have time to worry about it now.

“All right,” Geoff said. “Let’s call Lindsay in.”


	4. An Interlude at The Dart Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack only gets one beer while a waitress flirts with Geoff. Oh, and they talk about some important shit.

Geoff sat back from his computer with a weary sigh. It was late, much too late for him to still be at the office. The others had long departed, except for Michael and Gavin who were off prepping for an Immersion shoot. He had left a lot of paperwork by the wayside in the last couple of weeks while they scrambled to pull of jobs but he had finally caught up. Tomorrow they would review Lindsay’s plan and be back on the streets in 48 hours on yet another heist. 

“Christ I need a vacation,” he muttered.

He had just finished turning everything off and was prepared to leave the office when he heard footsteps coming down the hall. He knew that walk.

“Thought you might still be here,” Jack said as he strode into the office.

“Well I’m heading out now,” Geoff said yawning. “What’s up?” He knew Jack wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important and though Geoff was tired and cranky he was still willing to find out what Jack had to say.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Jack said. “I’ve been thinking things over and it just doesn’t make sense.”

“Huh?” Geoff was not at his most eloquent.

“These last couple of robberies,” Jack said. “Look,” he walked over to the map of Los Santos that was tacked up on the wall, this one with various squiggles and markings from the last bank job they did. “Look where the bank is in conjunction to the closest police station,” he said, tracing a road on the map. “Assuming the average non-emergency response time is 6 minutes and 22 seconds, and that’s for police not for SWAT or gang units, there is no way they should have been able to surround the bank with that level of police in the two minutes we were inside.” 

Geoff frowned. He was right, Even if there had been some patrols in the area, SWAT couldn’t have been there in two minutes, at least not in the numbers they had seen. The bank had been entirely surround except for the strip of alley leading from a loading zone behind the bank.

Jack saw the frown and knew it meant agreement, He tapped on the map on the two stars by the bank that indicated the two getaway vehicles. “The vans parked outside were identical and in two alleys. The decoy was surrounded, the one we intended to escape in with the money was not. Not that I’m complaining because we fortunately got away...barely.” 

Barely indeed. Kerry and Jeremy had had to reverse course suddenly and leap for the moving van as Geoff had peeled out of the parking lot. They were lucky they didn’t kill anyone.

“So you think that the cops knew the plan,” Geoff said.

“They knew something,” Jack replied.

“Matt and Michael said the same but you agreed with me when I said no one was passing secrets,” Geoff pointed out. “So why--”

“No one in the Crew is passing secrets,” Jack said pointedly. “But what about outside of the Crew?” He was clearly hinting at something.

“Jack, it’s nearly midnight and I haven’t slept in two days. I’m exhausted and way too sober for conspiracy theories,” Geoff said grumpily. “Get to the God damn point.” 

“Ok, ok, ok” Jack said. “Look. Someone clearly told the cops what time the robbery would be going down. They knew the target they knew the day, the time, the basics of the plan. They knew that we would have a white van in the alley that borders the banks.”

Geoff caught on. “They didn’t know we had two vans,” Geoff said. “They didn’t know we had a van parked in the loading zone.”

“They also didn’t know that we would swap vehicles under the bridge and drown the one we escaped in. I’ve checked the impound lot and the van that Kerry drowned has not been dredged up.”

“So they knew generics but not specifics.” Geoff said. “The details were told to the whole the Crew and Kerry since he was support. So if there was a squealer it would have to be someone who knows the plan without knowing—” Geoff broke off looking distinctly grey all of a sudden.

Geoff stared at Jack who stared solemnly back before replying.

“If the Crew was passing secrets, the cops would have nabbed us all in that vault. Or they would have been on both vans. That leaves—” 

“Nah,” Geoff said, interrupting with a casual wave of his hand and a chuckle. “Nah, you’re crazy dude. We’ve just been unlucky.”

The sudden mood change caught Jack off guard and he stared at Geoff like he was losing his mind. “Geoff?”

“I mean we did suck something awful not too long ago,” Geoff continued, snatching up his keys and his phone. “It’s probably just our old ways catching up with us.”

“But—”

Geoff cut Jack off again. “You’re getting as paranoid as Joel, I swear to God. Next thing I know you’ll be yelling at me to buy gold and hide it in the ground.” Geoff yawned widely and stretched. “Look I’m going home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Geoff, wait,” Jack said as Geoff walked swiftly past him and exited the office. Jack sped after him into the hallway but Geoff didn’t break his quick stride and he was out the door into the parking lot. “Geoff!”

Jack let out a frustrated growl and banged his fist on the door jamb. What the fuck was that? It wasn’t like Geoff to just dismiss him like that. Something wasn’t right. Jack looked over his shoulder at the map on the wall. Could he be crazy and paranoid like Geoff said?

No. Something wasn’t right here.

Jack scowled again and clicked the lights off in the office, letting the door shut and lock behind him. He returned to the parking lot and got back in his car, easing out of the abandoned lot and back onto the road. Geoff’s hasty departure was troubling him. It was almost as if he was fleeing from the accusation Jack had brought. But why would he? Did Geoff have some kind of renewed loyalty to the Syndicate, so much so that he refused to believe that anyone could possibly betray him? That didn’t seem right. Sure most of them were fine, but there were some shady people working for the Syndicate. None more so than—

“JESUS!” Jack shouted slamming on the brakes. He had just rounded the corner a few blocks away from the office, only to find a car parked dead center in the street. His tires squealed in protest as he stooped, his head nearly crashing into the seatbelt from the sudden jolt. He was out of his car in seconds, hand on his gun.

“What the fuck you fucking asshole! Get the fuck out—” he stopped when he saw a face lean out of the car and lowered his gun. “Geoff?”

“Follow me,” Geoff said. “Turn off your phone and disable your GPS.”

Jack stared at him but after a minute holstered his gun and returned to his car. He knew it. Geoff’s hasty departure had made no sense. Now he would get answers.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The dart bar was crowded and noisy, just how Geoff liked it. He had to get away from the studio and the cameras and the walls with ears. Jack probably should have known better than to level his concerns where any idiot walking past could hear, but then he didn’t know the Syndicate like Geoff did. Geoff was one of the founders of Rooster Teeth and he had been there long before there even was a Syndicate. He knew there were eyes and ears everywhere, which he explained to Jack as they took a seat in an out of the way table in the corner.

“And you called me paranoid,” Jack grumbled.

“I’m right though,” Geoff said as a scantily clad waitress dropped of their beers. Her eye lingered on Geoff for a minute, but he reached for his beer, oblivious to the side-long glance. Jack noticed and inwardly shook his head. Geoff was so whipped for Griffon. Then again, he knew he was just as whipped with Caiti.

“So you believe me then?” Jack asked.

Geoff nodded. “I’ve been suspicious since the very first job after I got out.” Geoff paused and thought for a second. “No. I’ve been suspicious for a while. Since before we even knew the word heist.”

Jack frowned. “But we’ve always know the word—”

“You know what I mean!” Geoff snapped. “It’s just...for the past three years, right around the time we started failing at everything we attempted, it has always surprised me how quickly our plans go to shit. I mean this is Los-Fucking-Santos. Crime capital of the world. So why do the police seem to be all over us in less than two minutes when the average response time is almost 7 as you said. Makes no sense.” Geoff took another large sip. “And another thing: Matt’s paid off police. He has a fucking army of crooked cops and SWAT and police chiefs, the works. So why should the cops go in for the kill every time we cross paths when a lot of them are on our payroll?”

Jack nodded. “That’s what I was trying to get at back in the office,” he explained. “I think...I think Matt may be the one selling us out.”

Geoff finished his beer and the waitress almost immediately came over and brought him a new one.

“I know. I knew that’s what you were getting at and I couldn’t let you say it in the office. Where someone might here. That’s a serious accusation.” Geoff sighed. “But how do you figure? It could be of our own.”

“No,” Jack said certainly. “No, Matt is the only explanation that fits all of the facts.”

“You’ve got to stop watching Sherlock.”

“Bite me.”

“You wish.”

“So what do we do then?” Jack asked. “We can’t confront him. We’ll be murdered in our sleep. Maybe not you, Mr. Founder, but the rest of us, yeah.”

“Confronting him may not do anything,” Geoff pointed out. “And we have no proof. Just a theory that works but also a theory that anyone in the Syndicate would run from to avoid dying horribly.”

Both men lapsed into silence. After everything they had been through was it really possible that their boss wanted them dead or in jail? Was he claiming to have forgiven the Crew while really setting them up for failure? It sort of made sense based on Matt’s attitude lately, but Matt had been a friend to them all once upon a time. How could he do it? Why? How could they stop it? It was the six of them against the entirety of the Syndicate. Bad odds. That’s how it had been last time, when they had been stripped of their resources and desperate to save Geoff. They had only succeeded that time because—

“Burnie!” Jack said suddenly, smacking the table and nearly upending their drinks. Geoff seized his glass and glared. “Burnie is the answer!”

“To what question? Things that talk too much, things that eat too much, things that wear flannel?”

Jack rolled his eyes. “How long have you been dying to make that joke?”

“Shut up.”

“Look he came through when you were in lock-up,” Jack said. “You weren’t there, you don’t know. Anyone with half a brain can see the Burnie is just as disgruntled as we are with the Syndicate. We all rolled with it in the beginning because it seemed like a good idea. But we have been a successful media company for years now. What’s the point of the crime?”

“Well or unsavory rep protects a lot of people from various government traps, like MI6 and the CIA,” Geoff pointed out. “And I hear you were able to shake the Viking Coalition with our help.”

Jack shudders at the memories. “Still, we don’t need a gang or even crime for that. Just a powerful presence and money and we have the actual company for all of that. But we’re getting off track,” Jack said. “Burnie was not happy with things when you were locked up, he still isn’t and he hasn’t been for a while. I’d bet my ass that the other founders aren’t either. Burnie stood up to Matt to buy us time. Can you imagine what he would do if we proved that Matt was selling us all out? Or what Joel would do? Or...Gus?”

Geoff winced. No one should fuck with Gus. “So if we get proof and show it to Gus, Burnie, and Joel...you think that’d be enough to take down Matt?”

“You got a better idea?” Jack challenged him.

“No,” Geoff said. “And to be honest...I think you are right. That may be our only shot...assuming we survive the getting of the proof.” Geoff eyes suddenly flashed with what Jack knew to be an epiphany. “And I know just how to do it!”

“Good,” Jack said. “Because I had no fucking clue.”

Geoff finished off his second beer and covered his glass to signal he was done as the overeager waitress came to take his glass. She frowned and turned to Jack, who had long finished his first and had waited for her to refill it, but she hadn’t. Jack glared at her and shook his head and she slinked away.

“I’m taking you off of Lindsay’s heist,” Geoff said. “The official story will be that you need a break and we need some serious editing done. In reality you’re gonna hack into the cameras and audio and phone taps in Matt’s office and monitor him as well as the police scanners. Ryan’s got an off the grid PC in the office because he’s a fucking PC nerd and it should be a straightforward hack. We still have a shotgun or two left from that cyber job we did for Lester,” Geoff mused out loud. “Should be easy.”

“Got it,” Jack said. A shotgun was an undetectable hacking device that did the hard part of cracking the system’s code. Jack was not much of a hacker so he was very grateful Geoff was going to make this easy. “So I basically monitor him and see if he makes calls or acts suspicious.”

“He probably won’t make calls or anything, he’s not that dumb,” Geoff said. “But we can at least keep eyes on him while we’re in the field. If he does anything we’ll see it. There’s no guarantees this will come up with anything, but it’s a start.”

“I like it,” Jack said. “I’ll keep an eye out for you guys while y’all risk your necks. Now should we tell the rest of the Crew?”

Geoff shook his head. “No this stays between us. I don’t want them to suspect Matt if we’re wrong. They’d probably panic and do something dumb. Let’s see how this goes and then approach the guys.”

“Got it,” Jack said.

The bartender announced last call and that was their cue to leave. Geoff tossed some money on the table and motioned to Jack to follow him out. They headed outside for their cars and were about to go their separate way when Jack stopped Geoff. Geoff looked drawn and pale and overall like he wanted to throw up.

“Are you afraid we aren’t going to find anything and we’ll all die?” Jack asked.

Geoff shook his head. “I’m afraid we will find something and then I’ll have to wrap my hands around the throat of one of oldest friends.” Geoff rubbed his face. “See you tomorrow, Jack.”

Jack watched as Geoff got in his car and drove off. It was something he knew but always seemed to forget: Matt had been friend longer than foe. How would it feel to find out that Jack was right?

In spite of everything, Jack fervently prayed he was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed a reason for Jack to be absent from Lindsay's heist so now we have the "Matt selling the Crew out" theory. let's see where it goes, shall we? Also in the interest of giving credit where credit is due, i borrowed the idea for the shotgun hacking device from Mirror's Edge Catalyst because I know nothing about hacking.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who is reading! I hope you are enjoying this slightly more serious story. Next up, we have the long awaited tale of Lindsay's heist!


	5. Port-O-Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lindsay has a solid gold plan that's also quite shitty.

Lindsay was flattered that Geoff and the others had faith in her ability to lead a heist, but she also didn’t give a damn what they thought. Since her and Michael’s double-cross, she had been carefully crafting the perfect heist on the off chance she got to lead one. As such she knew her plan was gold.

Literally. They were going to steal gold.

She was making the finishing touches to the map when Michael sauntered into the heist room and plopped down in the chair. “You ready for this?”

Lindsay rolled her eyes. “Would I be here if I wasn’t?”

“Maybe,” Michael said with a smirk. Lindsay threw a pen at him. “But seriously, it feels different this time. The stakes are higher in a way. We may be even more screwed than we were the last time, we just don’t know it yet.”

“What are you getting at Michael” Lindsay said. She knew him too well.

“I guess what I am asking is…are we going to cut our losses again?”

Lindsay looked at her husband hard. She could understand why he would ask that and back when he had run his heist it had seemed like a good idea at the time. But when Geoff, Ryan, Ray and Kerry had all shown up alive and pissed, something had changed. They had thought that the two of them were stronger enough together and they had been mostly right. But the Crew, all of them, were stronger than that. She had told Michael as much when a pissed as hell Jack had spared their lives.

“I haven’t forgotten the sight of you staring down the muzzle of Jack’s gun,” she said simply. “Jack spared us and Geoff after everything stuck up for us. The Crew forgave us.” She sighed. “We were strong together and but we are in fact stronger with these idiots.” She grimaced. “God that’s fucking terrible to admit.”

Michael laughed. “So we stay the course?”

Lindsay nodded. “We stay the course.”

“All right!” Michael said leaning back. Lindsay went back to her plans and one by one the others shuffled into the room. Geoff arrived right on time and closed the door.

“Where’s Jack?” Ryan asked.

“We have a crazy backlog of editing,” Geoff said. “And one of the interns is out. I pulled Jack from this to focus on that. He needed a break anyhow, he was getting grumpy. That and Lindsay is as good as having two Jack’s and half a Michael.”

The Crew laughed and Lindsay said “I’ll take that compliment!”

Geoff grinned and heaved an internal sigh. They hadn’t questioned him, not even Lindsay who was in the process of taking over the position of Director of Achievement Hunter to free up Geoff for videos. She should know that they weren’t that backed up, but the deflection worked.

Almost. Unseen by Geoff, Ryan raised a suspicious eyebrow but made no comment.

“So what’s the plan?” Geoff asked.

“ACTION!” Gavin yelled just as Lindsay opened her mouth to start. She paused, closed her mouth, and glared at him. “Yeah, I am NOT gonna go on that.”

Just like back the tension that had come into the room broke and they all laughed.

“Alright, seriously, Lindsay—what ya got?” Geoff asked.

“And does it involve the royal baby?” Gavin added, very Brittish-y.

“Yes,” Lindsay deadpanned. “I’m going to birth the royal baby and you guys have to carry it to its mother land.”

“Is it Jack?” Ryan quipped.

Lindsay laughed but then thought about the prospect of giving birth to Jack. “If I’m giving birth to Jack, I’m going to die instantly in this job and you guys are going to have to take care of it.”

“Jesus Christ,” Michael said who looked very unnerved by all the birth talk coming from his wife.

“So,” Lindsay started again. “For this heist I’m thinking we need to take some gold. We’ve never done anything like that, it’s usually cash oriented.”

“True,” Ray said appreciatively.

“Joel would be proud,” Gavin added to chuckles.

“Ryan was just talking about how they have ATM machines at the bank now that dispense gold” Geoff chimed in and Ryan nodded.

“Like in Dubai,” Lindsay agreed.

“Dubai,” Ryan added, mostly because it was fun to say.

“Little known fact, Los Santos is actually the sister city to Dubai,” Michael said. Lindsay rolled her eyes at him for what felt like the hundredth time already.

“Since we want to get some gold,” Lindsay continued, “I feel like gold is pretty shiny, it’s flashy, people are gonna see it instantly if we’re just walking around with it like assholes.” She paused. “Unless it’s around our neck because this America!”

“Bling!” said Ray.

“That’s not gold,” Geoff said, “not mine, anyway.”

“What kind of shitty ass gang boss are you then?” Ryan asked.

“ANYWAY!” Lindsay said over them all. “What better way to transport it than in…a pot-o-potty.”

The stunned silence was broken by Geoff who actually looked impressed. “Right, because no one would ever think to look for gold in a port-o-potty.”

“Probably not,” Lindsay replied.

“You’d find shit but not money,” Michael said.

“POO HEIST!” Gavin yelled throwing his hands up triumphantly.

“So we got gold in the ATM, how do get it in the port-o-potty?” Michael asked.

“Fun fact,” Lindsay replied, turning to the map and circling one of her marks. “The port-o-potty is located right now at the top of this construction building.”

“But those construction workers need to shit,” Gavin said.

“They can go one day without it,” Michael snapped.

“Yeah they can just hang off the edge,” Geoff said, holding up his hands to demonstrate.

“And then the wind just takes it!” Ryan said.

“It’s a free for all at that point,” Ray said.

“Listen, it’s not that big of a stretch not having that pot-o-potty,” Michael said impatiently. “You’ve seen what the inside of that thing looks likes right? Construction guys are just gonna go in the hole where the port-o-potty was anyway.”

“Just like in Dubai,” Lindsay said to more laughs. “Anyway, we have the port-o-potty at the top of the construction building.” Lindsay looked over her shoulder. “Ryan, you’re going to be in charge of making sure that potty goes off that roof. You are the Force Pusher. That is your code name.”

“Oh, I can force push some shit, let’s do it,” Ryan said cheerfully.

“Ryan is Force Pusher,” Lindsay continued, “He will send the port-o-potty off of the building into the truck that is waiting below that is piloted by Michael.”

Geoff frowned. “So it’s gonna land off a skyscraper like…forty stories up in the back of a pick-up truck.”

Lindsay was surprised he didn’t choke from the level of dry disdain in his voice. “Yeah.”

Geoff scoffed. “Yeah,” he said sardonically. “Sure, why not?” Geoff had so many regrets in his life and this was fast becoming another one.

“All right!” Ray added with his own incredulous look.

“So I force push it onto Michael down below, does that make him the Power Bottom?” Ryan asked.

“No he is the Crap Catcher,” Lindsay said as though it were obvious.

“And you’re generating power,” Michal said. “I’m just receiving it.”

“Gravity is generating the power,” Ryan corrected him.

“I’m not generating that much power but I am capable of receiving an enormous amount of power,” Michael explained. “That’s what I’m going to be doing, I’m going to be receiving that power.”

“You’re gonna get splashed with so much feces,” Gavin informed him cheekily.

Geoff interrupted their banter. “So you guys should probably all bee dressed like constructions workers.”

“Yes,” Lindsay replied, pleased Geoff was on the same page. “We all want to be disguised.”

“And so it’s just those two at the construction scene?”

“They’re going to be at the construction scene,” Lindsay confirmed. “After Ryan pushes the port-o-potty off of the building, he’s going to be getting into the truck with Michael.” She turned back to the map and traced a path towards bank. “The potty is going to be transferred to the bank that is up here.”

“I know that bank,” Geoff said darkly. Michael had the good grace to look ashamed. Lindsay ignored it.

“We’re all very familiar with this bank,” she said cattily. “It’s usually closed.”

“Isn’t that the bank where we had our grand stand?” Ray asked Ryan.

“Yeah—well no,” Ryan caught himself. “We made it around the corner.” Ryan couldn’t help but grin bitterly. “We died in a parking lot Ray.”

“Almost,” Michael said defensively. “And my heist would have been the most successful one yet if that bank had been open! Still saying it.”

“Yeah,” Geoff said with enough venom that Michael backed down.

“So,” Lindsay said hastily moving away from that topic and pointing between Michael and Ryan. “You guys are dressed as construction workers transporting the port-o-potty to the bank. The people at the bank are me, Geoff, and Ray. We are all disguised as tellers.”

“Yes!” Geoff muttered, pumping his arm victoriously. He wanted to rob the bank. He felt restless and angry at everything and need some good old fashion crime to take the edge off.

“Can I be Soulja Boy Teller?” Ray asked raising his hand.

Lindsay laughed. “Actually you are Streaker. That is your code name. Chill out, don’t get ahead of schedule here.”

“I can do that,” Ray said appreciatively.

“So they’re going to be bringing it to the bank.” Lindsay pointed at Geoff. “Geoff, who is or inside man is going to be blowing the vault.”

Geoff grinned.

“Once they pull up the truck to the front of the bank, the vault will already be blown open and we’re going to start running money back and forth AFTER Ray and I pull two buses up to the bank blocking it off. So we’re creating like a V right here.”

“Oh I like it,” Geoff said in admiration. “So that’ll protect the truck.” He had been wondering about the exposed truck but that actually was a brilliant bit of planning on Lindsay’s part, not that he was surprised.

“Once we are in place, Ray…what’s your code name?” she asked, quizzing him randomly.

Ray opened his mouth, paused and then said “Streaker.”

“Good work,” Lindsay said.

“Almost said Soulja Boy Teller,” Ray admitted to laughter before doing part of the Soulja Boy dance move in his seat.

“Geoff since you’re demolition, you’re Boom Boom,” Lindsay informed him to his approval, “and I am Run and Guns.”

Gavin, who had made the occasionally muttered remark but remained mostly silent could not wait any longer. “What am I doing?” he yelled, frustrated. Lindsay had laid out the whole plan and hadn’t even mentioned him yet. She better not be forgetting him!

“Hold on,” she said, flapping her hand at him to tell him to chill. “While this is happening, Gavin is waiting back here with a cargobob on the building next door to the bank. You’ll be chilling there waiting for the drop.”

“So it sounds like I’m doing nothing until we get to the bank so I might as well get a good angle on the construction site just to witness the drop,” Gavin suggested.

Lindsay and Geoff exchange a look. Gavin was prone to almost dying during the simplest tasks. It was partly why she kept him out until the last possible second. She and Geoff both ran through the scenario so far and mentally came to the same conclusion that Gavin probably couldn’t manage to kill himself if he was at the construction site. Probably.

Geoff gave her a small nod and turned to Gavin. “Yeah, you can help them at the construction site.”

Gavin grinned. “I can be King of Alignment!”

“King of what?” Ray asked, leaning forward to look at Gavin who was making some kind of gigantic hand gesture.

“I’ll be able to see the bog up here and the truck down here,” Gavin explained. “And I’ll be like ‘Nailed it!’ and then I’ll see the poo splash. I’ll be on a roof somewhere.”

“So the one heist we don’t have Jack in, we’re letting Gavin fly?” Ryan asked Lindsay.

“HEY!” Gavin yelled excitedly.

“Makes the most sense, right?” Lindsay said with a mischievous grin.

“Last time that ended in fire and pain” Ryan said bluntly.

Gavin rubbed his chin in thought, remembering. “Last time I single handedly blew up everyone up in a plane, but if we’d had a tank on it, we’d have been fine.”

“Would we?” Michael asked doubtfully.

“Yeah, I’d have died instead of going to jail,” Geoff said angrily. He turned to Gavin. “Aim to do better than you ever do.”

“Ever,” Ryan added.

“In life,” Ray said.

“Okay,” Gavin said. “So I’m gonna take my bar—

“No, not your bar,” Geoff said cutting him off because he was mortally afraid of Gavin’s bar, “Here how about this: don’t do your best, do Jack’s best.”

“Okay,” Gavin said brightly.

Geoff fixed him with a shrewd look. “Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” Gavin said.

Geoff sighed and looked back at Lindsay. “So we’re in a V, Gavin’s in a cargo bob…”

“Yes, he’s waiting for the potty drop,” Lindsay continued off of Geoff’s summary. “Michael and Ryan pull the truck in front of the bank like I said. Ray and I have already created the blockade here. Ray’s going to get out and he’s going to create heat with Ryan. They’re going to shoot up the whole area.”

“We’re gonna fuck—create body heat!” Ray announced.

“It will distract them all,” Ryan said.

“And make some of our fans’ day,” Michael muttered.

“Classic misdirection,” Geoff said approvingly. “What’s Michael doing?”

“Michael, after he’s pulled up the truck, is going to meet Gavin in the cargobob,” Lindsay explained. “So they’re bobbing together.”

Gavin turned to Michael with such a look of excitement that Lindsay suspected he was going to wet himself. He didn’t though, but instead yelled with a huge grin, “TEAM NICE DYNABOB!”

“Nice dude,” Michael said and they high-fived.

“That’s when Michael truly becomes the power bottom in this phase of the plan,” Lindsay said bring the conversation back around.

“So you and I are going to be running money?” Geoff asked.

“Yeah,” Lindsay said. “So after Ryan and Ray have created the heat you and I are going to get the FUCK outta there because we’ve already got the money in the port-o-potty.”

Geoff had a thought. “You know I scouted this bank out a while back and there is a side door we can go through.”

“Perfect,” Lindsay said appreciatively. “We’ll leave an escape vehicle out there and we can escape there and then we’re gonna go ahead and go to our rendezvous point.”

“Where’s our side door Ryan?” Ray asked. “We never have a side door.”

“Nope,” Ryan agreed. “Our side door is explosions.”

“Where’s our rendezvous point?” Geoff asked trying to stay on track.

Lindsay scanned her map. “Where is it I just had it…” she muttered out loud as she looked.

“Just go with your gut,” Michael told her.

“GUTS!” Ray yelled.

“Do you have it?!” Lindsay replied automatically in time with Ray, both of them referencing the theme song to the Nickelodeon show Guts. “I do!”

“Here!” Lindsay said, finally finding the spot, which was near the railroad tracks. “It’s at the railroad track. Geoff and I are going to go over here and hop the train. This’ll be the rendezvous point for everyone to meet up at. While we’re doing that, Gavin’s going to fly in with the cargobob, pick up the port-o-potty from the bank that now has the gold inside of it, and bring it to the train tracks.”

“That’s gonna be one heavy bob,” Gavin said.

“Yeah it is,” Lindsay agreed, worried but there was really no other way.

“The train will already be moving at that point right?” Geoff asked.

“Yes,” Lindsay replied.

“So we could just pop a flare locating where we are,” Geoff suggested.

“Yes! I like it. You have flare gun, so Geoff will signal,” Lindsay said. “While they’re dropping it off, Ryan and Ray are still creating the heat at the bank.”

“And not dead. Totally,” Ryan said with a very doubtful, slightly crazed expression. Ray looked equally skeptical, but not crazed.

“They’re going to find an armored vehicle,” Lindsay said ignoring him. “Which I assume will be hanging out.”

“You assume?” Ray asked. “We’re gonna get there and go ‘FUCK!’” Ray said looking around for an imaginary lost vehicle.”

“No you’re gonna grab an armored vehicle,” Lindsay amended, “and that’s gonna be your escape route to get out of here as well.” She circled the airport. “You’re going to go to the airport, get an airplane, and meet us at the rendezvous point as well. You’re going to be parachuting out of the airplane into the train.”

“Let me make sure I understand this,” Geoff said. “You and I are on the train first. We pop a flare so the cargobob team knows where to find us. They’re going to cargobob in, they drop the gold laden dump on the train and then…what do they do? Are they gonna land on the train?”

Lindsay thought for a moment. “They can land it on the train, but I think they’re going to be creating heat as well. There’s gonna be a lot of cops in the area so I think they should be shooting them down at the same time. So we can land it on to the train but the bob might not make it.” She looked apologetically at her husband and Gavin.

Michael did not like how she was so blasé about him possibly blowing up.

Gavin didn’t notice and instead said, “With all this heat this shit is gonna smell really bad.”

Gross.

“So the four of us are full of the gold laden dump on a train heading out of town,” Geoff summarized, “and eventually they just swoop in and parachute down?” he pointed at Michael and Gavin.

Lindsay liked that option better. “Yes. I’m thinking they can parachute in and Ryan and Ray can join them as well.”

“Team Soon-to-be-Dead,” Ryan said and Ray snorted.

“I prefer Team Fodder,” Geoff said with a grin.

“Is that it, do we ride out on the train?” Michael asked.

“Ideally we’ll be riding into freedom,” Lindsay said.

“All right,” Michael said. “Then we fucking pop off that port-o-potty, dig into that poop and split up the reward.”

They had all done so well at avoiding the gross thoughts that came with this plan, but Michael’s suggestion of them digging into human feces made more than one face go green.

Lindsay saw this and tried to make it better with a joke. “Well someone literally shit a gold brick I assume.”

Geoff also saw the grossed out looks and decided to make it worse with a joke. “Tomorrow, we get all the gold and corn we could want!”

Michael was not to be outdone. “Let’s get in there and tear that turd apart!”

Gavin fled to go vomit and the rest of the Crew, after a nod from Lindsay took that time to exit as well. Despite the trepidation of doing more heists, the Crew was in high spirits, Lindsay noted as she gathered up her things. She hoped she wouldn’t let everyone down. She also appreciated the solidarity Geoff seemed to have shown, treating her with by far more respect than he usually treated the Crew. Maybe it had something to do with her training to take things over on the Achievement Hunter end of things.

Lindsay felt eyes on her and looked up to see Michael hovering in the doorway, his face carefully blank.

“What are you doing?” Lindsay asked suspiciously.

“Let’s go,” Michael said.

“Waiting on you!” Lindsay snapped back. She knew what he wanted. He wanted to know if they were striking out on their own again. Like she had said before: not this time.

“I’m just making sure that there’s nothing else in the plan I need to know about,” Michael said defensively.

Lindsay rolled her eyes and passed by him and into the hallway. “No, just you following instructions!”

Michael grinned. “That’ll never happen!” he called running after her.

Meanwhile, Geoff walked quickly down the hall towards the AH office, whipping out his phone to check his messages. He had one from Jack.

Batman has left the asylum and won’t return for the Joker.

Geoff frowned and typed back. "What the fuck does that mean?"

He approached the office just as his phone went off again.

"Boss in meetings all day and one tomorrow during go time."

They had taken a peek at Matt’s schedule and saw that he had a lot of meeting coming up this week. He had purposely scheduled the heist briefing and execution during said meetings so that he wouldn’t be able to review security footage until they were already mid-heist. The problem was that they had to gamble on him not finishing meetings early. It was why he kept interrupting Lindsay to help keep things on track: they were on a time crunch. Luckily they seemed to have pulled it off, according to Jack’s text. Now the just had to wait and see. Jack would monitor Matt and if the cops weren’t immediately on them like they had been their theory would be confirmed.

Geoff sighed in palpable relief and walked into the office. He could see Jack hunched over his computer and he glared at him.

“Batman, really?”

“Shut up.”


	6. On the Edge of Glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff has bad luck with grenades, Ray makes a lot of butt jokes, Ryan keeps shouting things enthusiastically, Michael and Lindsay have domestic abuse issues, and Gavin does a terrible impression of an owl.

The next day, the Crew met at Michael and Lindsay’s apartment downtown, as was their custom. They would meet other places for their small jobs, but it wouldn’t truly feel like a heist without Michael and Gavin trading quips at the bar, Ray smoking the bong in the corner, and Ryan cleaning his guns at the table. The only fixture of the scene missing was Jack reviewing the pans or contemplating the view of Los Santos through the giant picture window. Lindsay had taken over that role, her papers and maps spread out at the table. Geoff was the last to arrive as usual and when the others saw him they immediately turned to him, except Lindsay who got to her feet and joined him in the front of the room. Ryan immediately packed his guns away.

“All right so I guess it’s time to go?” Geoff said looking at Lindsay.

“Absolutely,” Lindsay said.

“Heist!” Ryan shouted excitedly, punching the air with a fist.

“Does everyone know the plan?” Lindsay asked. The Crew nodded. “I feel like we should go over code names one more time.”

“I don’t think I ever found out my code name,” Gavin said, scratching his head.

“You are Duce Goose,” Lindsay said.

“Duce Goose,” Gavin reaped with an appreciative nod.

“Duce Goose,” Ryan repeated with a snort of laughter.

“I’m Bam Bam,” Geoff announced cheerfully, sounding like and overeager school kid anxious to impress the teacher.

Lindsay looked at him with a wry grin. “Well your Boom Boom, but close enough.” Geoff’s face fell a little at his mistake.

“I’m Pebbles,” Ray announced.

“No you’re Streaker,” Michael said.

“If he’s Bam Bam, I’m Pebbles,” Ray said laughing.

“Shut up,” Michael said with an eye roll. “Let’s go.”

“Hey, Ray could put a bone in his hair,” Lindsay said as the others stood. “I like it.”

Geoff grinned over at Ray. “When we come of age, I’m going to Bam all over you.”

“Let’s do it!” Lindsay said cheerfully.

“TO THE STORE!” Ryan said excitedly, running across the room, up the stairs, and out of the door. The others exchanged bemused looks but still followed him.

“We do have to go to the store and buy clothes,” Geoff said as though it was an explanation for Ryan’s insanity. “And we gotta get cat masks, right?” he added looking at Lindsay.

“I was thinking cat masks, but we could also get masks that are appropriate for each position,” she replied.

“I don’t think there’s an appropriate construction worker mask,” Michael said doubtfully.

“All right, cat masks it is,” Lindsay said as they emerged outside to the sidewalk. “We—mother fucker!” Lindsay felt something hit her hard from behind. She was knocked off her feet and spun around landing on her back in the street.

“Sorry Lindsay,” Gavin said, looking down at her from atop the motorcycle he had grabbed when they exited the apartment. He had accidentally accelerated forward too fast and hadn’t been able to stop in time. Lindsay just rolled her eyes and got to her feet.

“Where is my car?” Michael asked aloud as he looked around for the Roosevelt he thought he had parked outside. He saw his Adder but no Roosevelt. He swore as he realized that it was probably in the garage and he ran off to get it.

“Anyone want a ride?” Gavin asked.

“Sure,” Ryan said, hoping into place behind Gavin. Gavin grinned and accelerated again, popping a small wheelie for style. Unfortunately, the small wheelie turned into a big wheelie as he sped up too quickly and the motorcycle went straight up before tipping both Gavin and Ryan off.

“WHOA!” Ryan cried as he flailed, trying to stay on the bike and failing. He fell to the ground on his back and slid a few feet while Gavin bounced away face first. “Why did I get on with you?” he lamented as he skidded to a stop. “An early mistake.”

Geoff rolled his eyes this time. “Michael, do you wanna get the Achievement Hunter Mobile?”

“I’m gonna be a minute Geoff,” Michael replied, continuing to jog around his building to his garage.

Geoff frowned. “What’s wrong—OW!” he broke off with a cry as something bowled into him and knocked him over.

“Pardon me!” Gavin said as he and his bike went bouncing past Geoff after both had hit Geoff in the back. Gavin got to his feet and stood up his bike. “I feel like I haven’t had this bike for a while, I keep hitting people with it.” Gavin ran off and an angry Geoff got grumbling to his feet. He yanked a grenade out of his coat and lobbed it over the wall to his left, to the main part of the street where Gavin had headed. His idea was to scare the shit of the Brit so he didn’t pull the pin.

Michael rounded the corner and much to his and everyone else’s surprise, the street in front of them exploded.

Geoff looked wildly around and saw the pin of the grenade stuck on his finger. Oops.

“What the hell?!”

“WHY DID I BLOW UP?!”

“Who’s blowing people up?”

The cars that had been parked in the street were all on fire. As the Crew cried out in shock one of the cars exploded, rocking them all again. Gavin and Ray were perched on top of a nearby box truck, ducking shrapnel while Lindsay and Ryan dove for more cover behind non-damaged vehicles.

“Uh guys…I’m here!” Michael announced. “I followed the explosions.” At his words another nearby car that was on fire blew up, catching another car on fire. This was quickly becoming an out of control chain reaction, albeit it a slightly funny one. They had to get in the car and get out of here.

Ryan ran out from behind his cover, which was now on fire, and flung himself into the Roosevelt. Ray and Gavin hopped down from the truck and made a break for it, but another car exploded. Ray was near enough that the blast knocked him off his feet and he hit the asphalt painfully. Gavin managed to roll away to scant cover behind the husk of an exploded car.

“Um…shit is still exploding,” Michael announced unnecessarily. “It is not stopping.”

“I just threw a random grenade,” Geoff said jogging around the corner, slightly embarrassed. “I didn’t even see where it went.”

“Why’d you do that?!” Gavin squawked as another explosion went off.

“I was trying to scare you after you ran me over!” Geoff shot back.

“Well it’s working!” Gavin replied.

“I didn’t mean to pull the pin out,” Geoff grumbled.

Michael reversed out of the “blast zone” and sideswiped Lindsay, who had run for the car, on his way. She fell, but hauled herself up and positioned herself on the outside of the car. Ray was right behind her and jumped into the backseat. Gavin ran past them up to Geoff who had just arrived at the scene.

“Where’s the car?” he asked.

“You just ran right past it!” Michael said witheringly just as Ryan said, equally annoyed, “It’s right behind you.”

Gavin spun around and grinned sheepishly as he saw the taillights. “Oh. Sorry. It’s black, it looks like all the other wreckages.” He and Geoff ran up just as another explosion made them stagger. Gavin got in the back and Geoff perched on the side.

“That was a hell of a grenade,” Geoff muttered.

“Is everyone here?” Michael asked. The words had barely left his mouth when the sound of sirens met their ears and he could see blue and red lights in the distance behind them.

“Yes, including the cops, let’s go!” Lindsay ordered. Michael reversed and then tore off down the street. They wound their way around the city for a little bit until the sirens and lights disappeared before returning to the main road. 

“So clothes first it is,” Lindsay said.

“I need to dress like a bank teller!” Ray said excitedly, mentally planning his outfit.

“Oh me too,” Geoff said.

“I need to look like a bank pen,” Gavin said.

“Oh look, the store s right there!” Michael said pointing to the Ponsonbys right in front of them.

“That was a bad joke,” Gavin said, referring to his bank pen joke that everyone ignored.

“So we need construction outfits Ryan,” Michael said as they pulled into the parking lot.

“It was a magician joke…”Gavin said.

“Whatever Gavin,” Michael replied as Gavin pouted.

“You’re a magician joke,” Geoff added, much to Gavin’s continued dismay.

The Crew entered the store and spent more time shopping than they probably should have due to their need to have both style and their need to make witty comment and get up to general tom foolery. Gavin kept making bird noise, Ryan nearly blinded everyone when he decided to go shirtless and revealed skin so pale it practically glowed in the dark, and Ray kept making butt jokes. By the end of their shopping trip however they all emerged looking pretty spectacular.

Lindsay was well turned out in a white and grey suit with a matching bowler hat and a killer pair of stilettos. Geoff has a dark blue suit with a pale blue shirt and dark blue tie, forgoing his usual bow tie for a long tie. Michael had on an orange jacket of a bare chest along with jeans and work boots while Ryan was shirtless, dressed in boots with orange pants and a red bandana. The look was completed with white shades and his customary face paint. Gavin was also shirtless despite not being a construction worker. He had on an army hat, a parachute, army boots, and cargo pants. It was an odd look. Ray emerged last in a black suit and tie with a white shirt and a white Stetson hat, looking quite pleased with himself. 

“Ray, you’re like a Texas investment banker,” Geoff said with a grin.

“Yup!” he said excitedly. “Yeehaw, oil! No wait, actually I’m Doug Dimmadome.”

Lindsay looked around and noticed that she towered over Ryan, which was odd since he was normally much taller than her. “Ryan, am I taller than you?”

Ryan looked over at her and found he had to look slightly upward. “Yeah, well you’re wearing heels.” Ryan glanced at her shoes and saw that the heel was a good six inches tall. “Look at your heels man! You’re taller than everyone!”

“I could kill a man with these stilettos,” Lindsay said with an evil grin.

Michael popped up at her side and laughed. “I’m like your tiny husband!”

“Here let me pick you up, I’ll burp you,” she said, making a grab for him which he dodged.

Michael turned to look at Ryan. “You know what I think we’re constructing? Boners on the other team!”

Gavin looked down at his get up and over at Ryan and Michael’s motley assortment of clothes, san shirts and sans style, and then looked at the neat suits and sharp hats and ties on the others. “Wow, we look like shit and they look great.”

Geoff turned to look at what Gavin meant and to agree but was distracted by Gavin’s getup. “Why are you wearing an army hat?”

“I’m a bird in the sky!” Gavin replied as though it were obvious. “Technically there is a bird on my helmet, look.” He turned so everyone could see.

“Here let me see,” Michael said with a smirk as he approached Gavin’s back. He swung at Gavin’s head, intending to punch him, but Gavin, either having gotten distracted or having remembered who Michael was as a person, moved out of the way. Unfortunately, Lindsay had also come up to see Gavin’s helmet and was now in the path of Michael’s swinging fist.

Oh Jesus!” Lindsay shouted as Michael’s fist connected and slammed her head sideways. She stumbled almost toppling over in her heels as her head pounded and her vision swam. She hunched over, holding her head and blinking until her brain righted itself and the sharp pain dulled to an unpleasant throb.

“Domestic abuse! Domestic abuse!” Ryan shouted.

“I got a great view of that!” Geoff added as Lindsay rounded on Michael and swung back. Michael took off, cackling and apologizing at the same time, Lindsay hot on his heels.

“Get back here you piece of shit!” she shouted at Michael who ran up and over a car to try and escape.

“GAVIN!” Michael yelled as he sprinted passed. “When I go to strike you Gavin, do not move out of the way so I strike my wife!”

“I just wanted to see the bird on the helmet!” Lindsay yelled to Michael. “That’s all I wanted!”

Michael laughed, but unfortunately for him, that caused him to trip and stumble. He didn’t fall but it gave Lindsay a chance to catch up. She swung at Michael and clocked him in the head just as he had done her, only Michael spun around and popped off the sidewalk before he went sprawling. The Crew doubled over with laughter as Lindsay helped her husband to his feet and they joined in with the laughing.

After that ordeal, they piled back in the AH Mobile and stopped by Ammunation for body armor and bullets. While there Michael murdered an office worker with a hatchet and Ryan and Lindsay set up a date or a shopping spree. The next stop after that was the mask store. That trip was uneventful except for Michael intentionally knocking Lindsay off of the side of the car so Ryan wouldn’t look at her boobs that were level with his window. That earned Michael another slap while Ryan insisted that he was just NOTICING that there were high and firm boobs in his window, not that he was STARING at them.

They arrived at the mask store, Ray leaping off the side off the still moving car. Gavin decided to jump out of the car as well for fun and the two slammed into each other and Ray bounced down the sidewalk.

“How did you like…propel him like another ten feet?” Michael asked incredulously.

“No idea,” grumbled a bruised Ray.

The Crew browsed mask, each picking a different cat mask. Gavin picked an owl mask, immediately put it on, and ran around cooing like some weird dove/owl hybrid. He waited in the AH Mobile while the others finished their purchasing before he noticed there was an unattended car nearby. Perfect, he could steal that and drive to his objective! He jumped off the AH Mobile and ran to it.

“All right anyone want to ride with me?” Gavin called, walking over to the car and smashing the window. He looked over his shoulder and saw the Crew in the AH Mobile staring at him. Geoff face palmed. “Oh I guess Michael’s driving.”

“You literally got out of my car to go steal a car,” Michael said exasperatedly, a feeling Gavin seem to inspire often.

“Just smashed a window and ran off,” Ryan added with a shake of his head.

Gavin got sheepishly back onto the side of the AH Mobile and Michael drove off dropping Geoff the teller part of the Crew at the bank. Geoff, Ray, and Lindsay procured the long buses and put them in position near the front of the bank to form the V later. Michael and Ryan arrived at the construction site where the port-o-potty was kept and Gavin grabbed a cargobob and took up position on a building opposite the construction site. He watched Ryan, who was at the top of the half constructed building by the port-o-potty, through the scope of his sniper rifle, ensuring he was lined up with Michael below. Michael had swapped out the AH Mobile for a blue pick-up truck and backed it up against said building so that the potty could land in it easily.

“Are we ready to go?” Ryan asked.

“I am in position!” Gavin confirmed.

“Crap Catch is ready to crap catch!” Michael replied.

“Bus one is in position,” Geoff confirmed.

“Streaker has the escape van ready,” Ray said.

“Runs and Guns is in the bank,” Lindsay said.

“Are we ready to kick this off?” Ryan asked Lindsay.

“We’re ready,” Lindsay replied.

“All right,” Ryan said, backing away from the port-o-potty. He had planted C4 behind it, just enough to topple it without damaging it. He grabbed the detonator and took a deep breath.

“BOOM!” he cried slamming his finger on the trigger.

There was a loud pop and the port-o-potty toppled forward and fell off the edge of the building. The entire Crew held their breath as it fell down…down…down…down….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks! I have a very demanding job that's been even more demanding lately. However, I have the next chapter half finished so it should up soon. Enjoy!
> 
> Fun fact: I never bothered to look up the song Edge of Glory, I've only ever heard it badly sung by Achievement Hunter in multiple videos. Imagine my surprise when I heard Lady Gaga sing it briefly at the Super Bowl. It took me a minute to place it since it was not being screechily sung by the Achievement Hunter guys. I should get out more...


	7. A Shitter in Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crew transports the world's most unstable port-o-potty while Geoff is losing his mind.

With a deafening bang, Michael felt the port-o-potty collide with the truck and the bang end dipped low and popped back up. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw no port-o-potty.

“Did you get it?” Lindsay asked.

“It hit me, I felt it,” he said. 

“I think it hit the hood,” Gavin said, still peering through the scope of his sniper rifle. He couldn’t see where it had fallen, it was somewhere behind the truck.

Michael looked in his side mirrors and finally saw the potty—upside down with the door hanging open. “The door’s open. All the shit’s gonna come out. And I’m gonna need some assistance to get it in the bed.”

Ryan, who had parachuted off of the top of the building drifted gently downward and saw the position of the potty with a grimace. They would have to manually lift it in. They had just started and it was already going wrong.

“Oh guys!” he said as a lightbulb went off in his brain. “Why didn’t we use a cargobob to start with?”

There was a tense moment of silence.

“Ryan, shut up!” Michael snapped.

In the end Gavin and Ryan and Michael heaved the thing in the back of the truck bad after rinsing it out with a nearby hose to avoid being splashed in human feces. The smell was hideous but the potty was relatively empty. Still the sun crested the horizon by the time Michael eased the truck with its precious cargo onto the street.

“All right just take it nice and slow,” Ryan said to Michael. “I’ll watch it.”

“Bank team is still in position,” Lindsay confirmed, exchanging a nod with Geoff who was poised with explosives by the ATM. Ray was outside in the bus pretending to take important investment calls on his phone, though Lindsay wasn’t sure a teller would yell “Yeehaw oil!” At one point though he did say “Look the DYY is up 33%, SLV is up 25%, and SLW is up 5%.” Lindsay thought that was suspiciously smart until he yelled “Get out buy gold!” Then she remembered that he was imitating one of Joel’s financial rants.

Gavin was still on the roof opposite the site watching through his sniper rifle and cringing as Michael accelerated too quickly and the potty rocked backward. Ryan winced and told Michael to slow down. After a couple of jerky starts and stops, Michael pulled into the flow of traffic.

“Slowly to press the gas pedal,” Ryan said nervously as the potty wobbled. “Slooooooooowly.”

“Calm down Construction Team,” Lindsay said. It was tense waiting and being unable to see what was happening. All she could see was the GPS positions on her phone, it didn’t show just how slowly Michael was edging down the street and how hard Ryan was gripping his seat with nerves. They were all nervous. Up until now they had managed to forget the stakes of this heist and the fact that they were back to this. The slow transport of the port-o-potty left them all time to think and to be nervous.

Michael finally found a good speed and Ryan let out a breath as they approached the intersection the damn toilet had stopped wobbling. Gavin crowed excitedly and rushed back to his cargobob to head to the bank. “The heist has begun,” Michael announced.

“My mask has been on for about six days,” Ray muttered.

“Shut up Ray,” Michael said. “It’s been like ten minutes!” More like ten hours…

Ray snorted with laughter. “Oh yeah. Sorry I lose all track of time in this bus, it’s so HOT!” He pretended to swoon.

“You been hotboxing it?” Michael asked.

“I have been,” Ray admitted though in reality he had not.

“Ray and I gotta take the edge off,” Lindsay said, miming hitting a joint to Geoff who smirked.

Gavin hovered his cargobob near the bank and resumed lookout while Michael sped up, carefully accelerating and navigating the near deserted streets. Lindsay saw Geoff twitch, his face cringing for such a brief second that for a moment she thought she imagined it. He put his phone away and asked, “Is any—” he broke off and fumbled for words. “Do you see any cops, is anyone the wiser?”

“Well we haven’t taken the gold yet, so fine,” Gavin pointed out.

“We’re clear for now, we are clear for now,” Michael reported as well, looking around for any tail.

“We’re not doing anything wrong,” Ray added confused, looking toward the bank even though he couldn’t see Geoff. Why did he sound worried?

Geoff just heaved a sigh of relief.

“Well we did steal a port-o-potty,” Michael said.

“That’s not a crime,” said Lindsay.

“We were dressed as construction workers,” Ryan added. “They never knew.”

“You’ll never get my feces!” Michael shouted. Ryan rolled his eyes.

“According to my map it looks like you guys are about 4 blocks away,” Geoff broke in, talking over the banter. He had to keep them focused.

“Yeah we’re about half a mile away,” Michael said. “I see Gavin, eye in the sky.”

“Bank team are you ready to seize control?” Ryan asked as they started up the slow incline to the bank.

“I have the bank wired,” Geoff replied. “It’s a banking holiday so nobody is here.”

“Boom Boom is ready to go!” Lindsay gave Geoff a thumbs up.

“I see you guys coming!” Gavin said happily as he stared at the blue truck below.

“Bus tem are you ready to form the wall?” Ryan asked. They were close now, they had to be ready. The heist may have started but things wouldn’t really go down until they blew the bank. Then it would kick off.

“Hack the lights,” Michael said as a light he passed under turned yellow. “Hack the lights I need all greens on this.” The hill made things difficult. If he stopped they’d lose the potty upon acceleration. Geoff and Lindsay both confirmed that they couldn’t hack the lights. Michael swore.

“WHOOPSIES!”

The cargobob sung into view, practically grazing the tops of the street lights as Gavin made a bad maneuver. He managed to jerk the controls and lift up again, almost hitting the opposite streetlight from Michael.

“GAVIN! I said hack it, don’t fucking fly into it!” Michael shouted, punching the wheel though he kept the truck steady.

“I was gonna do a hardware hack,” Gavin joked to cover his own incompetence.

“You guys are a block and half away,” Geoff said. “Let me know when to blow it.”

“Force Push check-in, how’s the pot?” Lindsay ordered.

“The pot is great,” Ryan said with palpable relief. “The pot is magnificent. The pot is ready to be laced with gold.”

“Gavin are you on the rooftop yet?” Geoff asked.

“I’m hovering,” Gavin replied. “I’m on over-watch.”

Geoff, Lindsay, and Ray could see the cargobob and the truck now as they crested the hill across the street from the bank. Geoff grabbed his detonator, ready to blow and Ray casually started the engine. Lindsay moved to the second bus and also started the engine. They were ready.

Michael changed lanes and drove into oncoming traffic since no one was coming through the intersection. He had barely made it to the light when a black car with bald tires and silver scratches in the paint ran the light and turned straight into them with a loud crunch. The entire Crew yelled in panic, Ryan actually going for his gun to shoot the driver as the port-o-potty bounced tremulously. He kept an eye on it and it eventually tipped sideways and lay against the side of the truck bed. It was crooked but still with them.

“What happened?” Geoff yelled. “Somebody talk to me!” He broke out in a nervous sweat.

“Somebody kill that guy!” Michael burst out driving slowly onto the sidewalk to get around the now stationary black car. “How’s the potty?”

“We’re good, we’re good!” Ryan yelled over the din as they passed the smaller car. The driver lay sprawled over his dashboard with his head at an impossible angle to the rest of his body. “He’s dead, he ended himself on a shitter in motion.”

“What happened?” Geoff squeaked nervously. “Somebody talk to me! Somebody talk to me!”

“Geoff what the fuck?’ Ray yelled. “Why are you so jumpy?”

Geoff snapped his mouth shut. He had to get a grip. Jack had been sending him updates. Matt, who was supposed to have been in meetings all day was sitting in his office instead. He seemed to be behaving normally but it made Geoff nervous. He could be listening in. Jack was monitoring the situation but Geoff didn’t like the sudden change. It seemed fishy and if Geoff had learned anything in his year of crime it was to trust his instincts, which were now buzzing unpleasantly.

“I just want to make sure everything is fine,” Geoff replied after too long of a pause.

Ray made to respond, not buying it of course, but was distracted as the truck and port-o-potty came into view. Geoff slipped on his mask grateful for Ray’s distraction. He was quieter than the rest so he usually saw and heard more.

“Am I parking dead ahead by the bus?” Michael asked.

“Yeah you wanna back in,” Ryan replied, gripping his seat nervously.

Michael carefully accelerated and spun the steering wheel, slowly turning the truck around and engaged reverse. They carefully back up towards the door to the bank. The potty tipped over on its side, but stayed in the truck and Ryan made back up beep sound effects for the truck. Gavin, watching through his sniper scope from the roof across the way, was giggling like a maniac and Lindsay and Ray started their trucks and slipped on their masks.

“I’m gonna barrel through, ready?” Michael asked.

Ryan nodded.

“Go!” Michael reversed quickly, bouncing up on the curb and shooting backward until he came to rest part way up the bank stairs. Ray and Lindsay both accelerated forward and bumped the front of their buses together, forming the protective V around the truck and the potty. Lindsay and Ray rushed out of the buses, Ray coming around to stand next to Ryan and Lindsay rushing for the bank. As she passed Michael he gave her a look that clearly said be careful and she smiled back at him. She had this.

Or at least Michael thought she smiled. He couldn’t tell for sure under the cat mask.

Lindsay burst into the bank and rounded a corner away from the gold ATM machines. Geoff was crouched there, mask in one hand and detonator in the other. He threw his mask on, adjusting the headset underneath.

“Is it time to blow?” he asked voice cracking with nerves.

“Boom Boom,” Lindsay said solemnly. “Let’s blow it.”

Geoff grinned, despite the pressure and despite the chaos. AT the end of the day, it was still fun as hell to blow shit up. He mashed the detonator and ducked.

BOOM!

The Crew cheered loudly as a belch of smoke and glass flew out of the open bank doors. The wreckage cleared and Geoff and Lindsay rushed the ATM machines, shoving past charred metal and plastic and dodging glass and exposed wires. Glittering in the wreckage were the dispenser full of gold blocks, more than they had planned for. Lindsay reached in and grabbed and armful before sprinting outside to the potty. She threw the gold into the open door, wincing at the splashing noises it made and grateful for the mask protecting her from most of the stench. Geoff was right behind her with his own armload.

“I can see you guys loading it in!” Gavin crowed as he saw cat ears pop up above the potty.

Sirens sounded, sending a fresh jolt of adrenaline down Lindsay’s sine. “Streaker and Force Push we need heat control,” she ordered, Grabbing more gold.

Ryan and Ray exchanged a look. They couldn’t see over the buses but they had to provide cover. Ryan had an idea and no words had to be spoken between the two partners. Ray was on board.

“I’m just gonna throw grenades over,” Ryan told Lindsay before doing just that. He threw several and the explosions started as did the screaming. Ryan grinned as he saw a steering wheel take to the sky from an explosion.

Ray ran around from behind the bus, rocket launcher in hand and a mad grin on his face as well. “I’m not actually a banker, it was all a ruse!” He fired into traffic, blowing up a bystander in an SUV.

“Three more!” Geoff announced, kicking at a panel on a half exploded machine and exposing the god below. The ground quaked from Ryan and Ray’s efforts but he kept his head. The cops were not abnormally quick on this one. They may get away with it.

Sirens screamed around the corner. “Cops are coming let’s go!” Ryan shouted to Lindsay and Geoff.

The pair threw more gold in the pot and saw one final machine with gold. They both ran for it. “One more, one more!” Lindsay said frantically. The sirens made her jumpy and she respected Geoff for his seemingly level head. They box holding the gold was loose from the machine but it had not broken. They couldn’t get the ingots but the box may be able to come loose. Lindsay tugged hard and felt it give. “Geoff help!” she hissed. Geoff grabbed one side and she grabbed the other and they tugged, hard. It came loose and they both stumbled backward. Lindsay let go and Geoff turned and sprinted throwing the box as hard as he could into the potty, relieved when it thumped inside. He slammed the door to the potty shut.

“That’s the last bag, get out of here!” Geoff roared to the others. Gavin dove into his chopper and started it up and Michael hauled himself on top of the truck, ready to secure the potty to the cargo bob using some cargo straps they had picked up at the construction site, He fitted one around the potty and connected another to strap to hook to the cargo bob. That would keep it secure.

“Lindsay with me!” Geoff grabbed Lindsay’s arm as she made to go the wrong way and the two ran through the bank, ripping off their masks and stuffing them in their pocket. They stowed their guns in the duffle bags and burst through a small door onto a miraculously deserted street on the other side of the bank.

Back outside, the cops came racing up the hill into machine gun fire from Ray who was yelling loud and long in one unbroken howl. He chocked and laughed and Michael threw a piece of metal at him in annoyance. Ryan peeked around the bus, leveled a rocket launcher and finished what Ray started.

“Clear the buses!” Gavin said as he went airborne. “I gotta pick the gold up!”

Michael leaped off of the truck and got in a bus that was luckily still running. He reversed the bus and pulled away from the truck. He saw Ryan do the same. Ray squawked indignantly as his protective wall suddenly vanished. Gavin now had a window but Ryan and Ray were totally exposed.

A siren behind Ray surprised him. “Ryan, behind us!”

“I know,” Ryan said, parking the bus and scrambling to get out. “I’m trying to move the bus for the other team!”

Ray fired his rocket launcher again and ducked more debris just a slug hit him in the vest and he winced audibly. Ryan ran up to Ray and shoved him back, firing at Ray’s assailants angrily. Ray moved away from Ryan to distribute their fire more evenly. Ryan had the crazed look in his eye he had had before he charged the enemy in Michael’s heist, right before he had seemingly died. Ray didn’t like it. “Don’t you abandon me!” he yelled back at Ryan. “Not again.”

Ryan said nothing but he did back away, still maintaining fire. The police presence was heavy, not as bad as it had been lately but it was quickly heading that way Bank robberies were no joke and there were dozens of cops swarming them. Ray and Ryan were holding them back but they were quickly gaining an edge. Ray yelled to Ryan and Ryan turned to see Ray mimic texting and gesture at him. Ryan nodded.

Before the heist had begun, Ray and Ryan had lit upon a plan to get the gold out safely and give them some cover after it was just them against the world. Ray had a contact that had access to heavy military grade weaponry. They had paid him a neat sum from their own pockets to have him on standby during the heist to bring in an airstrike. All Ryan had to do was text him, which Ray was signaling him to do.

“Are you guys clear?” Ryan shouted to Michael and Gavin.

Michael had moved the truck away from the bank after Gavin had be unsuccessful in his attempts to pick him up. “We’re clear, we’re clear, we clear of the door!”

That would have to do. Ryan whipped out his phone and sent the text. He had barely put it back when he got shot in the shoulder. The strap of his vest took most of it but some bit of his exposed flesh was scraped badly and he stumbled. “Ugh, I’m taking bullets!”

Gavin as bobbing around the potty while Michael tried to grab the hook and secure it. It was hard. Gavin was nervous and hooking the thing up with straps was harder than it had sounded at the time. Finally Michael managed to grab the hook and tied the strap to it.

“Team Nice Cargobob in action!” Michael said, shimmy u the rope into the chopper. He was getting good at that

“Team Nice Dynabob!” Gavin corrected him.

A van charged ray who ticked and rolled out of the way. He surged to his feet and fired a rocket launcher at the van, which blew up but not before Ray registered the words on the side and shouted a warning. “THE SWAT TEAM IS HERE!”

“GET OUT OF HERE TEAM!” Ryan roared to Michael and Gavin.

Gavin lifted off and the potty came with it, swinging but staying put along with the gold. “We got it we got it!”

“Deuce Goose is up!” Lindsay confirmed as the cargobob rose into view above the rooftops.

“AIR STRIKE IS COMING IN!” Ryan announced.

“An Air Strike?!” Gavin squeaked. “Coming here?!” Gavin swung the chopper around and threw the controls forward, keen to put as much distance between him and the air strike as possible.

“Ray, let’s bail!” Ryan sprinted past Ray, grabbing the younger man’s arm as he went. Jet screamed overhead and they had just slipped into an alley when the street behind them exploded. The jet dropped multiple bombs and, chancing a look behind him, Ray saw bits of cars and flashing lights flying and flaming metal falling like rain.

“Danger close, Danger close!” Ryan yelled, ducking debris. He jumped into an SUV parked in the alley. Ryan gunned the engine and Ray flung himself in the back seat and smashed the window so he’d have a way to shoot out. The peeled out of the alley into the streets, a fresh wave of cop cars racing behind them. “We’re heading to the airport!”

“Where’s the train?!” Gavin yelled, flying in frantic circles. “Where am I taking this?!”

“You’re just gonna have to fly around for a bit while Lindsay and I secure a train,” Geoff replied. 

“Stall!” Lindsay added.

“Ok we’ll keep flying around,” Michael said. “Gavin, keep the helicopters and shit on your left so I can take them out.”

“On it,” said Gavin, veering to the right so that Michael was in position to fire at the pursuing police.

Ryan and Ray spun out as a cop car collided with them. Ryan got the car back under control but something happened to the on board GPS and it blipped out. “Shit, I don’t know where we’re going now. Ray guide me by map!”

“I gotta shoot, though,” Ray said. He whipped out his phone and chanced a glance at his own GPS where he had the airport location set. “Were going the right way.” He dropped his phone and grabbed his gun sending a spray of bullets out behind him, at a SWAT van.

Geoff slammed on the brakes in front of a small house on a quiet residential street and got out of the borrowed car. “We’re on foot from here,” he said to Lindsay, who sprinted up the driveway and vaulted over the back fence. She could still hear sirens but they were far off, most likely following Ryan and Ray or Gavin and Michael. She and Geoff were likely in the clear.

“How’s the gold?” Ryan asked as their car swerved, the tires now taking hits. Damn, cops had gotten smart lately.

“It’s still in the air,” Gavin confirmed. 

“Goo—AUGH!” Ryan’s tires took another hit and they crashed into a light pole. The windows around them exploded as the police opened fire and Ryan and Ray ducked. Ryan reversed, groaning at how slow the damaged car was moving.

“You gotta keep going,” Ray encouraged Ryan as he heaved the car backward and back on their path.

“Fly over them, I can give them assistance, Michael instructed Gavin, leaning out and scanning the street below. It was risky but Ryan and Ray were in a bad way. He still owed them for taking a dive in his heist. He could help. He saw a black SUV bobbing and weaving on the highway below. “They’re right below us.”

Geoff approached another fence and hauled himself over, but his suit snagged on a bush. He flipped ungracefully over the fence, landing on his face and knocking the wind out of himself. Lindsay vaulted gracefully over and tucked and rolled, surging back up on her heels and taking off. Geoff grumbled and followed. “Defeated by a hedge row,” he grouched, “but she can parkour in heels.”

“There’s a train!” Michael announced, catching one in the corner of his eye. All thoughts of covering Ryan and Ray were forgotten as he saw a way to secure the gold. “It’s going the other way!” Gavin spun around to follow it. “Guys we have eyes on a train.”

“Keep going Ryan,” Ray said through clenched teeth as their cover vanished and more bullets pinged around them. 

“Should we be following it?” Gavin asked.

“Yes absolutely!” Lindsay replied.

“No no no!” Geoff argued. “We’re not on that train yet, you’ll have to wait for the next one. It’s going the wrong way.”

“Get on this one!” Gavin snapped. “It will eventually be going the right way.”

“Take any train!” Ryan yelled as the car spun again, taking another hit to the tires. They couldn’t take cover until the gold was secure. Ryan and Ray needed the potty to get on the train.

“Which train should we take?!” Michael roared.

“ALL OF THEM!” Lindsay yelled back.

“THE ONE WITH NO BRAKES!” Ray yelled at the same time.

“So you want us to ignore this train Geoff?” Gavin asked, ignoring the others, despite the fact that Lindsay was the heist master.

“YES!”

“All right false alarm!”

Lindsay and Geoff came to a stop at the bottom of a steep slope over a train tunnel. She deactivated Geoff’s headset and hers using the app on her phone and slugged Geoff in the arm “What the fuck, Geoff!” she yelled. “That was my call not yours and we need to get the gold on the ground.

Geoff rounded on Lindsay. “We can’t risk it! We’ll fucking die!”

“Why are you acting like this heist is a disaster waiting to happen?” Lindsay shot back. “This is my job and I say—.”

“MATT IS TRYING TO FUCKING KILL US!” Geoff roared.

Lindsay froze. “What?”

Geoff growled and rubbed his face. “Matt has been calling in the cops on our jobs trying to get us caught or dead…we think anyway. We planned this one when we knew he’d be away but he changed up his plans so he is currently sitting in his office, watching our every move. We can’t afford mistakes. I’ve got Jack on him because we need proof. So far we’re ok but if we change the plan even a little we’ll be at risk.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lindsay demanded. It was a mark of her quick mind and unwavering loyalty that she didn’t question Geoff. “Or any of us?”

“We wanted proof,” Geoff replied. He cut across her as she made to argue. “We’ll discuss this later,” he said. “Right now we have to pull off this job.”

Lindsay shut her mouth and glared. “Fine, but you’re coming clean after this or I will.” Lindsay reengaged their headsets and Geoff wiped his face wearily. Lindsay was as good as her word. He knew he’d have to tell everyone after this was all over.

If they got out alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Lindsay's heist is super long, the action part not the actual video. I don't like breaking the action up but it was 30 pages from the time they got the potty to when they ended the video. Part two of the heist up next!


	8. NOT NOW DOM!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dom needs to work on his timing

Ray swore as the stolen SUV flew down a hill and bounced its way around a roadblock. He was lucky he was still conscious given how many times his head had hit the ceiling. Ryan was driving as steadily as he could but they were wanted by a LOT of people it seemed.

Ryan shouted a warning to Ray before yanking the wheel and spinning the SUV again to avoid gunfire. This time a bullet made it’s mark and slammed into his arm, grazing him deeply but fortunately embedded itself in the door and not his bone. He howled in pain but managed to hang on and keep driving. Ray dove across the seat and clumsily tied his tie tightly around the wound so Ryan wouldn’t bleed out.

“Ray, I’m hurt,” Ryan said with a fair amount of trepidation.

“Don’t you die,” Ray snapped resuming his firing position. He kept his voice light and joking but he was dead serious. “If you die, I die.”

“Don’t you die on him!” Michael’s voice joked over the head set, trying to bolster Ryan’s confidence. The helicopter was still looking for a train and Michael and Gavin were waiting for Lindsay and Geoff to update them.

Ryan accelerated again, fighting through it. He yanked his damaged vest off one handed and pulled another over his head. Ray fastened it up and did the same for himself. That could buy them more time or at least a fighting chance.

Back on the hillside, Lindsay reactivated her headset and Geoff’s and Geoff had made his way onto the edge of the tunnel. The goal was to reach the scaffolding at the top but it was a thin edge and he was terrified he was going to fall. “Lindsay this is precarious to walk,” he warned her, thinking of her heels.

“I’ll be careful in my heels,” she assured him, making the way carefully onto the edge. The both wobbled as they picked their way carefully across.

“We’re closing in on the airport,” Ryan informed the Crew.

“And we’re still circling with the gold,” Michael added. “We’ve managed to avoid the cops for now, the heat has died down a little bit, but we need to get it on the train.” A breeze wafted through the chopper carrying the stench of their cargo. “Also guys, I know it’s really worth it, but this shit is starting to stink up here.

Geoff dropped onto the scaffolding and turned to watch Lindsay wobble her way towards him in heels, which was frankly terrifying to watch. She had just drawn level with the scaffolding when her heel slipped. Geoff and Lindsay both yelped as she fell. Luckily, she fell head over heels and landed on her back on the scaffolding.

“Close enough,” she wheezed as she struggled to breathe and sit up.

Back on the road, Ryan and Ray had a problem. The airport gates were shut, as they typically were, but an old garbage truck with a ramp-like pile of waste was in position out font as it usually was for whatever reason. Many residents of Los Santos used it to jump the fence for fun or crime, especially the Crew. The problem was that it was a difficult jump to make and it was Ryan’s only option.

“It’s very important you make this jump, Ryan,” Ray informed him seriously as the ramp appeared in the distance. The ‘or we will die’ didn’t need to be said.

“We’re gonna get one shot at this,” Ryan said, gunning the engine. The ramp was close now. He had to stay on course. The cops were firing and the car weaved with each hit but he had to hold it steady. “I’m so bad at this jump.”

“No you got it!” Ray said. They were bang on course, they had this. They didn’t have a choice.

“Hang on!” Ryan shouted, flooring it.

Ray ducked and gripped the headrest of his seat tightly. Ryan bounced up onto the ramp, raced upwards and then they were airborne, flying through the sky and lifting up off of their seats. Ryan shouted gleefully while they flew. The SUV soared in a graceful arc up and over the fence and back down to the asphalt. The axel and bumper crunched and squealed as the tires hit the ground. Ryan and Ray slammed down into their seats and bounced back up with the car, Ryan cracking his head on the ceiling hard enough that he saw stars. Ray landed face down on the floor of the back seat but Ryan kept going and they heard the delightful sound of cop cars crunching into the closed gate behind them.

“Nailed it!” Ray announced to cheers from the Crew. “Quick, there’s a Luxor in the hangar behind us.” They heard the gate swing open and Ray saw cops stream into the airport heading for them. They didn’t have much time.

“Ray, I don’t think we’ll make it out,” Ryan began but Ray cut him off.

“We’ll absolutely make it out,” Ray said without a doubt. “You gotta believe!” He didn’t know that for sure, but he wanted to live to see them free of all this mess. He was determined.

“Train!” Geoff yelled suddenly as her heard a distinct rumble and train came racing out of the tunnel below them. He didn’t waste time on thought—as soon as the train appeared he vaulted off the scaffolding and was relieved when he landed face down in the long flat car.

“I’m on the train!” he yelled.

“I’m on the train too!” Lindsay added, having jumped just after him. They had control of the train!

“Follow the train, follow the train, follow the train!” Michael shouted in Gavin’s ear. Gavin turned around again and followed the tracks, waiting for the signal so he’d know where the train was. Michael leaned out and looked at the train in the distance and scowled. 

“It’s going the same fucking direction as the last time!” he shouted angrily at Geoff and his wife.

“Don’t worry about it, improvise!” Geoff shouted back.

“You’re an asshole!”

Ryan and Ray screeched to a stop by the Luxor at the airport and Ryan was in the cockpit before he even registered that he had moved. Ray was backing towards him firing at approaching police. “Ray get in! GET IN!”

“I’m getting in, I’m getting in!” Ray cried, lunging for the stairs. He threw himself in the plane and slammed the door shut. Ryan pulled out of the hangar and raced over the runway and the grass, yanking the controls back and lifting them smoothly in the air. Ray let out a triumphant yell that quickly turned into a shriek as a police chopper tried to dive bomb them but missed.

“We’re safe,” Ray said weakly. 

“R&R Connection has made it into the air,” Ryan added for the benefit of the others.

“Train team, guide me to the second to last car,” Gavin said, moving the chopper over the train.

Geoff whipped out a flare and ignited it so he could light Gavin’s way. “I’m throwing the flare!” Geoff said, flinging it in front of him so it would land safely in an empty cart.

Lindsay followed the arc of Geoff’s throw with her eyes. “Flare’s up…”

She intended to follow with “Flare’s down” but the flare didn’t come down. At the height of the throw they passed a train crossing and the flare hit the metal rack holding the crossing lights. Geoff and Lindsay expected it to bounce off and land in the train but instead it landed on the ground several feet away. They rode past it and watched as the falre stayed firmly behind the train.

“Not the best flare throw,” Geoff said, trying to cover his embarrassment.

Michael had been scanning for the flare and saw that it was…not on the train. “I see the flare right NEXT to the train,” he said. “You missed the fucking bucket!”

“The flare missed! It missed!” Gavin squawked.

“It hit something!” Geoff snapped, even more annoyed with himself.

“JET COMING IN!” Gavin shouted. A military jet was roaring through the sky towards them, apparently intent on ramming them. Or maybe it was just a coincidence. In any case, Gavin lost his head completely and yanked on the cargobob controls so that he and Michael bobbed, weaved, swerved, and spun a little out of the way. The jet streaked past them and the veered off towards town. Michael punched Gavin in the shoulder for panicking over a jet that was likely just flying drills.

Gavin’s maneuvers had stalled them long enough for Ryan and Ray to catch up a little. Ryan could just make out the cargobob and train and scoffed in frustration. “You guys are going IN to town!”

“IT’S THE ONLY TRAIN AVAILABLE!” Geoff roared. “WE HAD TO IMPROVISE!”

“WE COULD HAVE TAKEN THAT TRAIN TEN MINUTES AGO!” Michael’s shout made everyone wince. A shouting match between Geoff and Michael never ended well.

“I WASN’T ON THAT TRAIN!” Geoff screeched. “WE COULDN’T TAKE A TRAIN THAT NO ONE WAS ON, WE DIDN’T HAVE POSITIVE CONTROL OF IT!”

“GAVIN START DESCENDING!” Michael yelled, distracted rom Geoff as he noticed they were drawing level with the bucket.

“WE COULD HAVE TAKEN IT!” Gavin wailed in response to Geoff though he did start descending.

“IT DOESN’T MATTER!” Lindsay joined the fray. “WE HAVE TO SEIZE THE MOMENT!”

Above all the shrieks, Michael’s cell phone rang loudly and he looked at the display to see the famed adrenaline junkie Dom calling. He answered it with a bellow. “NOT NOW, DOM! NOT NOW!” He threw his phone out of the chopper.

The shouting subsided and there was a lengthy pause before the entire Crew burst into laughter, briefly breaking the tension. Still chuckling, Lindsay caught movement close to her and finally saw the golden potty hovering above the train. “I have visual on the potty. I have visual on the potty!”

“So do we!” Ryan cried gleefully.

Just as he said that, a Luxor raced past the cargobob, missing it by mere feet. Startled, Gavin and Michael both jumped, grabbed each other in a terrified hug, and screamed blue murder. Ryan and Ray cackled and Ryan swung in a wide circle around the cargobob to take up a position behind it before gaining some altitude. Michael pried Gavin off of him once he gained control of himself and threw the Brit back at the flight controls.

“Where are we going?” Ray asked.

“We gotta wait, the train’s in a tunnel!” They were flying through the main part of town now where the train alternating between bridges, above ground tracks, and underground tunnels. It was the most difficult location to try and drop their cargo.

“Gavin you gotta catch up to this thing,” Michael said. He didn’t want to push Gavin too hard, especially since he hadn’t blown them up yet, but they didn’t have all the time in the world. They could still here sirens, though their chaotic path seemed to have confused the cops. Still, they were conspicuous. They had to drop their load. All puns intended.

“We have to wait for the train to be out of the tunnel for Christ sake!” Gavin replied.

“We’re just carrying the fucking gold for the whole city to see!”

“We’re bragging about it! We won the lottery bitches!”

“They’re taking a fun train ride!”

“Hey, this is hard too!” Lindsay shot back. It wasn’t, but then it wasn’t her fault they weren’t dropping the gold. Behind her, Geoff wondered if he could suffocate himself while facepalming

“Gavin, go over the tunnel, you’re losing them,” Michael instructed. “Once it pops up you gotta drop it.”

“I know,” Gavin said through clenched teeth. He was nervous. Cargobob antics had never been his strong suit but he couldn’t let them all down now.

A bullet slammed into Ryan’s window, causing him and Ray to look around. Ray peered out what little he could of the side windows. There was still quite a few police after them. They knew they were in the Luxor now.

“We still got a bunch of choppers on us,” Ryan reported. “I think they’ve noticed us.” Ryan meant both the Luxor and the cargobob and Michael swore. The Luxor was drawing the cops to the loot. They had to draw them back off.

“All right, Ray,” Ryan said firmly.

Ray had already stowed his gun, sensing Ryan was forming a plan. “What are we doing?”

“We’re going to deploy onto the train.”

“We’re gonna jump on the train?!”

Both of their minds conjured up a scenario involving parachutes, collisions, and a lot of death.

“We’re gonna jump on the train,” Ryan replied confidently, reaching for the parachute under his seat.

Ray paused, exchanged a look with his friend and then nodded, reaching for his own parachute. “All right.”

“Please don’t crash into us when you do that,” Michael said nervously. The train below them emerged from the tunnel and Gavin dropped low, nearly skimming the top with the potty as he tried to position the cargobob and cargo over the train. Michael tried to be encouraging as Gavin made uncertain sounds. “You’ve got this Gavin, you’ve got this. One shot, do not fuck this up. One opportunity.”

Geoff and Lindsay tensed as the potty dipped low almost into the bucket but not quite. For one terrible moment, Geoff, Lindsay, and Michael thought Gavin was going to deploy it, which would have meant the potty bouncing off the side of the train car and into the river with all the gold. However, in a surprising display of caution, Gavin lifted back up and made to follow the train, hoping for a better shot.

“All good, just follow it,” Michael said bracingly.

“I’m gonna have to match speed,” Gavin said, more to himself that anyone.

“Right,” Michael agreed. “Match speed and—BRIDGE! GAVIN, PULL UP!”

“DEUCE GOOSE BE CAREFUL!” Lindsay screamed.

Geoff closed his eyes in dread.

A bridge was directly in front of them level with the cargobob’s windshield. Gavin swore and jerked the cargobob up sharply, the potty swinging haphazardly below him and nearly coming detached. Mercifully it stayed put.

Geoff opened his eyes and let a stream of curses and holy exclamations.

Ryan and Ray also sighed in relief and Ryan nodded to Ray. “You ready to bail?”

“I’m ready,” Ray replied. Ryan let go of the controls and kicked the door to the Luxor open. “Bail! bail!”

Ryan dove into the sky, Ray only a few seconds behind him. The Luxor drifted and actually crashed into the nearest police helicopter. Ryan deployed his chute and started drifting towards the train, caught on a good breeze. Bullets zipped past him but the police helicopters were having trouble aiming at so small a target.

Ray also deployed his chute but nothing happened. He swore and Ryan felt a chill race down his spine. The wind roared in Ray’s ears as he stared at the not-far-below-him ground. He grabbed the ripcord for his backup parachute and yanked. The back-up parachute deployed fifty feet above the ground.

“I’m going to land behind the train,” Ray said. “Oh, but there’s a car right here!”

“I’m gonna land in front of it—there’s another bridge!” Ryan yelled.

A giant bridge loomed ahead of them with no way for Gavin to move up and over it. A collision here meant an explosion, death, and the loss of the gold!

“GAVIN, TURN!” Michael yelled and he grabbed the controls, pulling them to left with Gavin who screamed.

Ryan FELT the chopper brush the top of his chute as Gavin and Michael screamed (again) and just managed to get a glimpse of it careening out of the way of the bridge. He didn’t have time to focus on that as he realized very quickly he had misjudged his landing. Rather than landing on top of the box car he aimed for, Ryan slammed into the side with a loud clang and tumbled to the ground.

“Ow,” he moaned as he struggled to sit up and fight his way out of the parachute. He managed to get free and stand up, stumbling towards the train and making a jump for it. He bounced off the side again and tumbled head over heels with a yell.

“Ryan, no!” Ray yelled, smashing a car window and quickly hotwiring it. He started the engine and reversed out of the parking space and floored the gas. At that moment, several police cars drove into the lot just as he bounced the curb and sped the car onto the tracks. More gunfire rained down around him but Ray ignored it while keeping his head low and the pedal to the floor. He had to get to Ryan. “Ryan, where are you?”

The train left Ryan in the dust as he laid there with his head swimming slightly. “I’m on the ground.”

“You gotta make it in this bucket Gavin!” Michael yelled as Gavin once ore failed to line up the drop. Gavin lowered it again and as he did so the first alarm went off. The cargobob was not having it with the crazy turns and altitude changes. There was no clear sign of distress yet but the gauges were not looking happy. “Just line it up and drop it.”

“Drop it…” Lindsay said encouargingly, gripping the side of her train car as she watched the cargobob and port-a-potty behind her.

“Ugh, it’s on a turn!” Gavin cried in frustration. “I can’t!”

“God damn it!” Michael wailed.

“Come on get it in!” Geoff shouted.

“This is it Gavin,” Michael said. “This is a straightaway. Have it sitting in the bucket when you deploy it.”

Ryan was running down the tracks when he heard a car approaching and sirens. He turned to see a black car screech to a halt beside him with no less than five cop cars in the distance. He had never been so grateful to see Ray behind the wheel of a car.

“Ray!” he cried, his voice cracking with copious amounts of gratitude and relief. “My savior!” Ryan clambered into the car and Ray set off once more after the train.

The train was on a straightaway through town with not a bridge in sight. The cargobob was so low now that a passing truck would have crashed into it. They were on course, Gavin just had to drop it.

“It’s not going to get any better than this!” Geoff yelled.

“Drop it, Deuce Goose!” Lindsay ordered.

“Here we go!” Michael announced. Gavin’s hand flew towards the deploy button.

Later Michael would reflect that if Gavin had waited just one more second to straighten his path, the whole heist would have gone differently. Everyone would have made it out unscathed, the gold would have settled neatly in the train, and they’d have rode that locomotive to freedom from everything: the cops, the Syndicate, and their own failure.

That didn’t happen. What did happed was that another crossing light pole smashed into the potty mere seconds before Gavin’s fist hit the hook button. The potty snagged and the cargobob lurched causing Gavin to miss the button. One of the straps that was wrapped tightly around the potty stretched then snapped and the potty crashed into the street.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Geoff cried, flinging himself to the edge of the car and grabbed for the fallen loot, as though he could catch the potty as it moved away from him.

“We lost the gold!” Lindsay cried out. “We lost it!”

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” Michael roared at Gavin who wailed. “GO BACK! GO BACK!”

“GRAB THE GOLD!” Geoff screamed.

“Ray,” Ryan said suddenly as they fast approached the spot where the potty had fallen. “We will push the gold!”

Michael scrambled for the rope as Gavin spun the cargobob around. “No, it’s not too late,” he yelled to Ryan and Ray. “Don’t push the gold.” He grabbed the rope and dropped down fast, not worried about falling since they were so low. Michael landed on the ground next to the potty and fumbled trying to re-secure it. “Don’t fucking crash into us and kill us!”

“Ok, we will defend the god!” Ryan announced. Ray pulled up next to the potty.

“It’s time for us to do our job!” Ray exclaimed with a grin, jumping from the car and running towards the gold.

“We got it we got it!” Michael said as he attached it and Gavin lifted Michael and the potty back up. “Go, go go!”

Ray didn’t break stride but ran around in a circle and back into the car. “All right get back in, our job is done. We did everything, we’re the best.” Ryan, who had just gotten out of his seat sat right back down. 

Good job,” Lindsay said shaking her head as Gavin and Michael flew back towards the train and Ray and Ryan gave chase in the car, tailed by a dozen cops. A man in a red hat and a green striped sweater was walking down the tracks oblivious to the chaos that had just happened. Ray swerved and flatten the guy, shouting “Get out of here Ness!” just because he could.

“It’s going into another tunnel!” Michael announced as he pulled himself back up into the cargobob. While he had been swinging around with the port-a-potty, he’d seen a tunnel in the distance. They HAD to get the gold on the train or they’d be running this gauntlet forever.

“Why do we keep using trains, trains are awful!” Ryan burst out.

Michael opened his mouth to reply when a huge brown cloud of smoke burst up inside the chopper causing him and Gavin to cough violently. Michael poked his head out the side and saw the blades smoking and sparking. He registered that the alarms were ringing in earnest now. “We’re smoking! I think we’ve entered the time limit. We gotta put it on the fucking train and get the hell out of here.”

“We’ve entered the countdown,” Gavin agreed as the cargobob began to shake.

“All right, time is crucial,” Lindsay said, stepping one more into her commander persona. “Let’s drop this thing. Before this train becomes a subway again let’s do this.”

“All right let’s get on the train, Ray,” Ryan instructed.

“How the hell are we gonna do that?”

“We’re gonna drive in front of it and the hop on.”

“All right,” Ray said. He floored it again and raced down the track and drew even with the train. He got a brief glimpse of Geoff and Lindsay as they flew past the train and he parked off to the side several yards ahead. Ryan got out and ran across the tracks, ready to jump aboard. The train was close now. Ray jumped out too but his suit snagged on the car door frame and he fell. He tried to get up but his lapel had caught under the tracks. He pulled frantically but it wouldn’t give.

“OH NO!” Ray shouted as the train raced for him. “The train’s gonna run me over, the train’s gonna run me over!”

“RAY, GET UP!” Ran shouted. He threw himself at Ray and the added force tore Ray’s lapel and they rolled clear of the tracks. They didn’t have time to reflect on their brush with death as the train whizzed past. As one, they jumped for the flat car and managed to haul themselves up and over onto the train.

“We’re in!” Ryan yelled. “We’re in!”

The Crew cheered and Michael and Gavin turned back to the task at hand. “Gavin, this is it right here, you have to do it on this straight away.”

“I know,” Gavin said solemnly. He was focused he was more focused than he ever had been before. He was still alive and the heist was still going. He wasn’t going to fil now.

“Clutch moment, Gavin,” Ryan said nervously. All eyes were fixed on the cargobob and the potty below. This had to work.

“I know!” Gavin said testily. He blocked them out. He had to risk it.

“There’s helicopters on us,” Geoff added as the choppers that had been following Ryan and Ray flew overhead, searching for their target. They were hidden for the moment but they’d notice the helicopter and port-a-potty eventually.

Gavin sat up straighter. “All right,” he said, in a voice that was surprisingly authoritative. “This might be my only chance through here. I’m coming in.”

“This is it, this is it,” Michael started to chant to himself.

“Watch the bridge, watch the bridge!” Lindsay yelled.

Gavin ignored her. He saw his window and knew no one else did. He slammed his fist on the hook and cried, “DROPPED IT!”

“GAVIN!” Michael screamed as he watched the potty plummet in despair.

The green port-a-potty dropped to earth. As they watched in despair, the entire Crew knew it would miss and their heist was dead. They were just waiting for the collision. The collision was a dull thunk as the port-a-potty landed squarely in the car two feet from Geoff’s shoes.

“IT’S IN!” Geoff shrieked. “IT’S IN! YOU DID IT!”

“WE GOT IT! WE GOT IT!” Lindsay yelled jumping up and down while Ryan and Ray cheered and fired celebratory bullets into the air.

Michael had watched the potty for a moment before noticing that the helicopter was about to crash into an overpass. While the others cheered, Michael dove out of the chopper and plummeted 15 feet to the ground. “I’m out, I’m out!”

Gavin managed to miss the overpass, barely. The blades clipped the edge, tipping him sideways and nearly flinging him out of the cargobob, but he managed to straighten up and rise up over the train. The carobob was done for though and was slowly losing altitude as it crashed.

Michael ran towards the train but it was too fast and he watched it zip past him. “Fuck, I missed the train! Gavin come pick me up!”

“The chopper’s going down, boy,” Gavin said sadly.

“Nooooo!” Michael wailed, sprinting after the train. Fuck, fuck, fuck, how was he going to get on the train?!

“Ray and Ryan are on the train, I’m on the train, Lindsay’s on the train,” Geoff yelled. “Michael and Gavin, get on the train!” As Geoff spoke, he stared at the text from Jack in horror before stowing it. They had lost the cops briefly but they somehow knew where they were now. They were heading for Michael and Gavin, the only two still in the open. They had to get safely on the train.

“Bail!” Gavin said as he got enough altitude to jump and pop hiss chute. He floated down towards the train, the cold wind biting at his exposed chest. “There’s a tunnel!” he exclaimed suddenly, squawking in distress. “There’s a tunnel!”

The others watched Gavin descending. He wasn’t going to make it, he was going to hit the tunnel. Gavin and the rest of the crew saved Michael all screamed in trepidation.

BANG!

Gavin landed on the top of a box car, ripped off his chute and ducked just as the tunnel went over head, ruffling the top of his mask. The crew’s yells turned to more cheers. Gavin hopped down off the box car. “I’m in! I’m in! I’m on! What’s up guys! The poo is safe—AUGH!” His triumphant cries broke off as he made to hop in Geoff’s car but tripped over the potty and smacked his face on the side.

“Are you safe?” Lindsay asked, whipping around to see if Gavin had fallen off.

“I fell on the poo!”

Lindsay rolled her eyes. “All right we just need Michael. Crap Catch, where are you?”

“I’m running down the tracks!” he replied. He was approaching the lower part of the tracks where the road connected via a dirt path under the highway. Cars could through here and sometimes abandoned or stolen vehicles were stashed here. He was hoping he could find one and catch up.

Sirens put an end to those hopes. “Oh SHIT! IT’S THE COPS!” Michael had ran into the open and no less than four cops cars raced out. They started to head down the tracks after the train but two of them spotted him and skidded to a stop. Michael ducked behind a support beam as gunfire chipped the concrete around him. He blindly fired around the pole and heard one cop yell, but even more bullets followed and he threw himself flat on the ground as bullets whizzed around him. They had him pinned. “Oh God I might get taken out here!” he told the others. He looked around and fired some more before ducking. A bullet grazed his face. Another found his thigh and his elbow. “This might be the end of me boys. This might be the end.”

“Michael no!” Gavin cried.

“If Ryan and I can survive, you can survive!” Ray said. “Come on Michael!”

Michael leaped to his feet. He was not going down like a bitch. He reloaded his gun and flung himself out from behind the pole, fisting and making glacking noises as he rained hell on the cops. To his surprise it was working. He took out one…two…four…six cops. There was more but he had a window. He sprinted to an abandoned cop car, doors open and engine running, and dived into the front seat, slamming the door shut. He reversed and felt a thump and heard a scream as he backed over a cop. Bullets smacked the bullet proof glass and it fractured. It wouldn’t hold much longer. He spun the car around but there was a wall of cop cars. He had to plough through it but the windows weren’t holding. “Oh they’re bipping me! I have no armor! This might be it!”

“Michael!” Lindsay yelled. Geoff gripped his head in his hands and muttered a string of curses while Gavin just stared behind the train willing Michael to suddenly show up and be safe.

Ryan wasn’t having it. They had come too far to blow it now. Ever since Michael had tried to kill them all he had been the most loyal and the most determined in all of their subsequent jobs. Ryan would match that faith.

“All right,” Ryan said as he shoved past Gavin. “I’m going back for Michael!”

“Ryan, damn it no!” Geoff said as Ryan leaped off the train.

“Where are YOU going?” Ray shouted after him as they zipped past Ryan, who ran to the road for a car.

“Ryan!” Michael could live with failure here, but he owed Ryan after leaving him and Ray to die. He wasn’t about to leave him behind too. Michael threw the car in drive and floored the gas. He slammed into the wall of cars, scattering glass and cops and the engine whined as it met the unmovable bulwark of cars. Michael scowled and pushed the pedal harder, willing it all to move…and it did. A cop car shifted, he had an opening, and he ploughed through it. Bullets followed but he broke free. He was flying down the tracks now with a victorious shout.

“Ryan, I have a car, get the fuck back on the train!” Michael yelled. “I’m ok. I’m coming boys I’m coming!”

Ryan swore and shot through the windshield of an approaching black SUV, killing the driver. He quickly jacked the car and hauled ass onto the tracks. Michael was not far behind him in a police car. The sound of sirens were fading but still too close for comfort. They had to get on that train.

“I’m losing the cops, I’m losing the cops,” Michael reported, speeding through the train tunnel that was almost the end of Gavin.

“Where’s Ryan?” Ray asked, looking around. As soon as he spoke a car zoomed past.

“I’m right here, I’m driving alongside,” Ryan replied as he drew level with the train and then overtook it.

Gavin leaned over the side to watch. “Ok, we need to get Ryan and Michael on the train—AUGH!”

Gavin had leaned too far over and a passing train sign hung crookedly off its pole, likely destroyed by a car or bored teen. Gavin’s head slammed into it and he was knocked off his feet. He grabbed blindly and hiss hand closed on the straps holding the port-o-potty closed as he fell over the side of the car. His weight was too much however and the port-o-potty tipped over the side as well.

“GAVIN!” Lindsay shrieked, diving for the gold at the same time as Geoff in the car in front of him. They both clung to the straos around the potty which was now over the side and dragging across the ground. Gavin had long since fallen and bounced away from the train.

“Geoff, pull!” Lindsay shouted. They both pulled but the speed of the train fought them. They managed to get the potty up against the car and minimize how much it was dragging, but they couldn’t get it all the way in. Ray began carefully clambering over train cars to help them but the train was picking up speed as it headed out of town so it was slow going for him. 

Gavin got dizzily to his feet as the train sped past him. “I fell off the train!” he cried as he stumbled after it. He hadn’t taking more than two steps when something flew past him with the screech of brakes. It was Michael in the stolen cop car.

“Gav get in!” Michael yelled. Gavin laughed weakly and did as he was told.

Meanwhile, Ryan had abandoned his car and made a leap for the train. He missed and fell, hard. He looked to his right, disoriented, and saw a green object on course with his face. “Oh shit!” he said, rolling away as the potty streaked past, bouncing alongside the train car.

“Why is the port-o-potty next to the train?” he yelled.

“ASK GAVIN!” Geoff shouted. “How did we go to three people on the train?”

Ryan got too his feet and heard Michael yell a warning. Ryan turned and took a side mirror to the abdomen as Michael tried, and failed, to stop the cop car before hitting him. Ryan flew backward and crashed to the ground again, moaning in pain.

“Ryan, get in!” Michael yelled.

“Fuck me,” Ryan moaned, getting up and hobbling into the passenger seat.

“I’ve got half the team with me!” Michael announced as he sped off again. Gavin laughed shrilly, still knocked silly from his fall. Michael floored it again and the engine of the battered car whined but he didn’t car. They flew past Geoff, Lindsay and the potty and caught a quick glimpse of Ray vaulting into their car. He passed the train and careened to a stop with a cry of “This is it!” to Ryan and Gavin who staggered out.

Ray grabbed the strap of the port-o-potty and the three of them began to pull. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the others moving towards the train. “No!” he shouted. “Give yourselves more time!”

Michael ignored him. The train whizzed past and he jumped. He caught the bucket and hauled himself inside. He was on. “I’m in! Ryan, Gavin, come on!”

Ryan also jumped but his timing was terrible ad his energy after three serious falls was shot. He bounced off of the train car and couldn’t muster the strength to roll away. He looked beside him again and saw a repeat of five minutes ago.

“RYAN!” Ray shouted.

Ryan shoved himself upright as the Crew screamed but it was too late. The potty, which they hadn’t manage to haul back in, slammed into him and dragged him under. Ryan yelped as he felt himself being dragged across the gravel and dirt bordering the tracks, He could feel skin tearing. There were several more bumps, a clang, and then Ryan felt his head hit something hard before everything went dark.

“RYAN!” Lindsay screamed as his motionless body fell further and further behind them. “Force Push!”

No answer.

“We lost Ryan?!” Geoff cried, voice cracking.

“Oh no, GAVIN!” Michael shouted.

Too preoccupied with Ryan’s apparent death by potty, no one had noticed that Gavin had jumped. No one but Michael. Michael had reached for his friend a he leaped, but Gavin too had misjudge and taken a few too many hits. He hit the train car, bounced off, his helmet ripping free. As Michael cried out, he saw his friend rag doll away and heard a distinct thudding noise as Gavin’s head hit a rock. Gavin also crumpled and the train left him and Ryan behind.

“What happened?” Geoff shouted. “What happened to Ryan and Gavin?”

“Ryan got run over by the potty!” Lindsay cried.

“NOOOOO!” Ray howled.

“Gavin missed his jump and landed wrong.” Michael said as he hopped in the car with the others. “They aren’t responding!”

“We gotta get the port-o-potty on board!” Ray said. He’d worry about Ryan and Gavin later.

Michael seized the strap and his added strength did it. They gave the potty a huge tug and it slid back into the car. They all backed away and peered over the side of the car as the miniscule lumps that had been their friends. The train rounded a corner and they were out of sight.

Geoff slammed both hands on the car. They were so close! They tripped at the god damn finish line! They had the loot, they had most of the Crew but Ryan and Gavin weren’t showing any sign that they were ok. Were they dead. Was this it? Was this what Matt wanted?

“How did we go from five people on the train to four and two dead?!” Geoff shouted.

No one had an answer. The train sped up, the horn echoing in the silence as what was left of the Crew rode out of town in hollow victory.


	9. The Queen Has Pawns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skulking, scheming, and swearing all in one delightful chapter!

While the Crew watched Ryan get dragged to his doom and Gavin bounce to his end, Matt was tapping his pen thoughtfully on the desk, observing the sweating blabbering mess that was Kerry before him. “So they didn’t tell you anything?”

“I told you,” Kerry repeated in a shaky voice. “I’m so busy with RWBY, they don’t include me much anymore.”

Matt sighed. “You’re starting to prove useless to me,” Matt said warningly.

Kerry glared. He may have been forced into betraying Geoff and the Fake AH Crew, which made him sick with guilt, but he’d be damned if he’d make it easy. Not only that but he wasn’t going to fold like a lawn chair to the likes of Matt. Even if standing up to the man made him sick as well.

“No I’m not,” Kerry snapped weakly. “You need me for the smuggling op with Japan.”

Matt frowned. Kerry was right. How annoying. “I told you I need the details of all of their heists. What was unclear?”

“It’s not like I can mosey up to Geoff and say ‘Hey man, I know I’m not in Achievement Hunter anymore but tell me all your plans because I am curious, hahaha.’”

Matt rubbed his forehead. Kerry was giving him a headache. “Look Kerry, bring me something on their next plan or I will be forced to express my annoyance. Do you want that?”

Kerry shook his head. “No, but I’m telling you, they won’t tell me anything.”

Matt sighed.

“I have an idea though,” Kerry said hastily as Matt got a cold look in his eyes.

“What’s that?”

“Well you want Achievement Hunter gone right? Kerry asked. “And you clearly want it to look like an accident?”

Matt said nothing and Kerry swallowed hard. It was a shot in the dark here but he had to take it.”

“Use Funhaus.”

There was silence for several seconds, or for three eternities, Kerry wasn’t sure which.

“Explain.”

“With Achievement Hunter gone, you’ll need someone to take over their operation. Funhaus is the logical choice. Have Funhaus start running jobs in Los Santos.”

“What purpose would that serve?” Matt asked.

“You know how competitive Geoff is,” Kerry said, leaning forward with a knowing look in his eyes. “You say Funhaus is more efficient. If they start running successful ops in Los Santos Geoff and the others will start competing with them, ratcheting up their own jobs and get in over their heads. You won’t even have to orchestrate an accident. They’ll get killed by their own hubris.”

Matt was silent for a very long time. He turned the plan over in his mind. It surprised him, this plan was actually pretty solid. It was surprising stroke of genius from Kerry. Still, it was risky Funhaus was better than the Crew, but not by much. There was no guarantee that they whole lot of them wouldn’t get killed. But then…was that actually a bad thing?

“I’ll consider it,” Matt finally said and he saw Kerry sag with relief. “You’re off the hook for now, but if this doesn’t work, you better be prepared to bring me something. Got it.”

Kerry nodded frantically.

“Good” Matt said, “Now get out.”

Kerry didn’t need to be told twice and quickly left the office. He stumbled down the hall to the animation departments; offices and collapsed wearily in his chair. Miles Luna, his co-director who was oblivious to the smuggling operation, looked at him in concern. “What’s up?”

“Just tired,” Kerry said, forcing a grin. “Let’s look over the mo-cap from yesterday.”

They got to work but in the back of his mind Kerry was sick with guilt. He was selling out achievement hunter, his friends. He wanted to die. He half hoped Matt would kill him anyway, just to spare him the all-encompassing remorse. What choice did he have though? Matt would destroy everyone in his department: him, Miles, all of the animators. He had to protect them didn’t he?

Kerry shook himself. He felt horrible, but he at least felt grim satisfaction at what he just did. His suggestion that Matt use Funhaus accomplished two things. First, it got him off the hook for now. Two, he had the utmost confidence that Geoff and the others could take on Funhaus with no problem. They would not hesitate to kill Funhaus for encroaching on their territory. Matt didn’t know how deep the rivalry truly ran, thank God. He was trading enemies for his friends and gave them what he hoped was a lesser threat.

He just prayed that he had made the right choice.

Back in the Achievement Hunter office, a lone computer screen stood on with a live feed of Matt’s office on it. A few minutes before Kerry was having a personal meltdown, the monitor had shown Kerry and Matt’s chat and Kerry’s agreement to sell out the Crew to Funhaus. It was on the screen in plain view just waiting for someone to capture the footage and audio.

But Jack, who should have been watching and waiting, was gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Michael slumped down in the train car with his head in his hands. “My boy,” he moaned. “I’m sorry my boy.” Poor fucking Gavin.

“I’m not sorry,” Ray snapped. “Fucking Ryan jumped off the train like an idiot!” He was angry with Ryan. Of all the times to go noble....

“Their memory will live on,” Lindsay said sadly. She couldn’t help but feel somewhat guilty however. It had been her idea and her plan, though Ryan had taken his own safety into his hands and Gavin was an idiot.

“I hate to say it,” Geoff finally said. “I’m gonna miss those guys but if you pay attention and stick to the plan, good things happen. If you deviate, bad things happen.” If you don’t go harrowing off on your own, you live, he thought to himself. Plain and simple.

Didn’t bring Gavin and Ryan back though did it?

They lapsed into silence for a moment as the train continued out of town. Eventually, once they got closer to the middle of nowhere, they’d have to get the gold off and dig through the port-o-potty. No one was looking forward to that.

They were so lost in thought that they didn’t see the car zoom past going in the opposite direction of the train while they mourned their friends. They also didn’t see it return a few minutes later. They didn’t notice it behind them keeping pace and they certainly didn’t see when it veered away as the train entered a hilly area.

They heard something though. They all heard a Tchaikovsky car horn blare and the rev of an engine. Michael, Geoff, Ray, and Lindsay all spun around in confusion before screaming and diving out of the flat bed train car and onto the cars on either side.

The AH Mobile, which was being driven alongside the train, drove up a dirt mound at full speed and launched into the air, horn blazing triumphantly. It soared in a perfect arc and landed with a loud screech and a deafening bang in the flat car right next to the gold.

Geoff sat up, rubbing his ribs where they had hit the side of the box car he had thrown himself at. Lindsay was already on her feet next to him and he could just see Ryan and Michael clambering back towards them on the other side of the AH Mobile. Before anyone could speak, the passenger door popped open and Ryan fell out. His arms and exposed bits of his chest were a mangled bloody mess and bruises bloomed all over his face. Still he looked over at them all and gave them a thumbs up. “Made it!”

The back driver’s side door opened and Gavin got up, rubbing his bloodied head. “Some of us have concussions you wanker,” he snapped in the direction of the driver’s seat. That door opened too and Jack got out and shoved Gavin out of his way.

“Yeah you’re welcome,” he said grumpily as he joined Geoff and Lindsay. “What’s up guys?” he said cheerfully to the others.

“Someone should tell Geoff to close his mouth before the flies come in,” Ryan said mildly, still not getting up.

Geoff snapped his mouth shut and glared at Jack. “You’re supposed to be at the office! What the fuck, Jack!”

Jack grinned. “I left when I was sure you all were clear, right as Michael picked up Ryan and Gavin from the train tracks. I broke about fifty traffic laws to get here in time to pick their butts up.” Jack stroked his beard. “It’s fucking hard to watch your friends be in danger while you do nothing to help. I took what I think was an acceptable risk.”

“For which I am eternally grateful,” Ryan piped up. “I can’t believe I got pottied.”

“I got hit by a train,” Gavin grumped.

“So wait,” Lindsay interjected. “Does this mean…we did it?”

Everyone looked around at each other. They had the loot, they had the Crew, and there was not a cop in sight. They had gotten away. They had survived.

“Guys,” Michael said, an edge of excitement creeping into his voice. “We just fucking pulled off the greatest heist we ever did. We’re walking away fucking rich.”

Geoff couldn’t help it. He grinned broadly and shouted “Guns in the air!”

The entire crew erupted in cheers, Ryan a little weakly, and continued to scream themselves horse. Michael and Ray both pulled their rocket launchers out and fired fireworks into the air. The Crew celebrated long and loud until Gavin piped up.

“So how do we get the gold out of there?”

Geoff and Lindsay exchanged a look.

“Someone get Matt Bragg and Jeremy on the phone,” Geoff said with a devious grin.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once more, Geoff stood before Matt’s desk, this time with a huge grin on his face. A pile of cash sat between the two men with more in the AH safe and in the RT safe. They had netted over a million in gold that they converted to cash with the help of one of their contacts. This got a nice fat pay off for the Crew and the Syndicate.

“You did well,” Matt admitted. “Better than I anticipated.”

Geoff smirked. “So my request?”

Matt sighed. “Fine. You’re off the hook for now. I do want more heists, Jeremy still hasn’t had a shot and I think you and the Crew should plan a group job again, but we can table it for now.”

“Yes!” Geoff said punching the air. “You’ll see Matt, this is better. We have a chance to do small jobs and get our heads on straight.”

“Well about that,” Matt said.

Geoff’s grin faded.

“You all can have your break as promised, but I do need four of you on a job.”

“What job?” Geoff asked with a fair amount of trepidation.

Matt slid a file folder across the desk to Geoff. “It seems Funhaus got themselves into some trouble in Los Santos when they were here last week.”

“Shocker,” Geoff said sarcastically. Funhaus and Achievement Hunter had a friendly rivalry that leaned more towards rivalry and less towards friendly. To the fans it was all in good fun. To the Syndicate they all mostly hated each other especially as Funhaus continually tried to show up the Fake AH Crew in crime and content.

Matt scowled. “They’ve done better than you all in most of their jobs, I wouldn’t talk.”

Geoff resisted the urge to slap him with the folder with great difficulty. 

“Anyway,” Matt continued. “Lawrence got himself picked up by LSPD and is currently being held in Los Santos Penitentiary. You’re familiar with it.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“I know. Anyway, we need four of you to break him out and get him back to LA. I can pay things off when he is safely out of the state and I can pay off LAPD not to bother him, they are cheaper than our cops. Luckily the feds aren’t involved.”

“You want us to break into the prison again?” Geoff sputtered. “We barely made it out the first time!”

“But you did,” Matt said. “This is how much I believe in you. Besides, the rest of Funhaus is in town, they’ll be nearby causing a distraction so the prison will not receive any outside help.” Matt tapped the folder. “This is a more covert mission. Bruce and I have mapped out the entire operation, including arrangements for under cover infiltration. Resistance should be minimal until Lawrence is in possession.”

“If you planned this out with Bruce, why isn’t Funhaus doing this?” Geoff demanded angrily. “Andy why wouldn’t you let us plan it out? Don’t trust us to do our own work?”

Matt looked at him pointedly. “You all have improved but you still rely too much on luck. Funhaus is a bit more streamlined and strategic. They have planned a foolproof plan, but sadly we have to send in the fools. Funhaus doesn’t know the prison like you all do.” Matt raised his eyebrows. “Any other questions?”

Geoff glared. “No.”

“Good. Can you do this?”

“Do we have a choice?”

“Not really.”

“Then fuck you. Where do we start?”

Matt smiled. “Adam will meet you all tomorrow night to bring you up to speed. I’d suggest picking the three people you trust most not to fuck it up. I’d like you on it personally.”

Geoff grabbed the folder and mock saluted. “Yes sir, your worship sir.”

Matt sighed heavily. “Get out, asshole.”

Geoff grinned and left. He successfully got under Matt’s skin. He’d take that win. As the door shut behind him the grin faded.

The boys wouldn’t be happy about this. Or the other thing Geoff still had to tell them. This was gonna suck. Geoff left the studio and got in his car, setting off downtown to the factory heavy area of Los Santos. He combed the narrow streets for a few minutes, taking a longer route to make sure no one he knew was behind him. After a few minutes, he turned into an alley and parked outside an inconspicuous warehouse office, well out of sight of the main road. He ran up the stairs and unlocked the door.

“What’d did he say?” Ray asked before Geoff could even get the door closed.

“Give me two seconds to get in the door, Christ.” Geoff snapped, making his way into the room. After the last heist, The Crew had used some of their funds to purchase a space away from Rooster Teeth and the Syndicate where they could speak and plan in safety. Matt knew nothing of it. The space had a conference style room (where they were all currently seated) and a connected garage as well as a built in bar area. It was empty now but Ryan and Gavin had already been excitedly discussing décor which would of course lead to the others having to intervene so they didn’t end up with British flags and severed heads everywhere.

The Crew hadn’t questioned it when Geoff mentioned he was buying the space, but, as Lindsay pointed out, Geoff did owe them an explanation. The time had come. Geoff took a seat at the table and exchange a wordless agreement with Jack as the others looked at him.

“So we don’t have to do another heist right away,” Geoff said. Everyone sighed in relief. “But, we have been given an assignment you are not gonna like.” Everyone groaned. “Before that thought…” Geoff took a deep breath. “There’s something Jack and I have to tell you.”

Jack sat up and turned his chair so that he was looking at his Crew mates, who all looked confused. Geoff collapsed in a chair at the end of the table, dropping the folder with a slap and swearing under his breath. He regarded his Crew for a second, trying to find the words.

“Don’t know how to say it,” he finally said. “So I’ll just say it: we think Matt is selling us out to the police. We think he is trying to take us out and make it look like an accident.”

You could have heard a pin drop in the room.

“We think this,” Geoff continued into the silence, “because of how badly several of our jobs went before Lindsay’s heist.” He quickly explained not only the theory the he and Jack had discussed at the dart bar but also explained why Jack had really sat out of the last job and why he had been so jumpy the entire heist.

After his explanation, the Crew was still silent. Silence was never good.

“So…thoughts?”

The rest of the crew, minus Jack, exchange looks for a minute before erupting.

“How could you keep this from us?” Ray shouted. “This whole time and you just—“

“That mother fucker needs to die,” Ryan roared as well. “We’ve done everything he’s asked—“

“I can’t believe you told Lindsay and not us,” Michael shouted. “Christ, you put her in danger too, why—“

“We’re dead!” Gavin wailed. “We’re dead. We survived, but we’re dead! We’re—“

“SHUT UP!” Geoff bellowed.

The Crew fell silent but glared.

“Ray, I didn’t want to say anything until were 100% sure,” Geoff said through clenched teeth. “Ryan if you think I don’t also want to wrap my hands around Matt’s throat, you’re wrong. Michael, I never intended to drag Lindsay in, I wanted to keep her to the side like Kerry. Gavin, just shut up.”

Gavin glared.

“And the Incredibles 2 is never getting released so let it go.”

Gavin looked at him in horror and Geoff moved on.

“Look, there is still a lot we can’t prove, but we are working on it,” Jack chimed in. “Matt gave no evidence he sent anyone after us during last heist, but then again look how smoothly it went.”

“Smoothly my scraped clean face,” Ryan said. His face was still a mess under the mask. Wearing the mask didn’t help much in the healing process, but try telling that to Ryan. 

“He’s right though,” Ray said. “We had little to no problems on this last job. O what proof do we need to get?”

“I don’t know,” Geoff said. “At this point we just have to watch and wait.”

“I don’t like that plan,” Ryan said to nods of agreement.

“Well we don’t have another choice,” Jack finally chimed in. “We can’t take down Matt if the rest of the Syndicate is with him. We already know a lot of Rooster Teeth is unhappy with our criminal side bar, but they are either too scared or don’t know how bad it truly is to do anything about it. We need concrete proof or we will get killed by those still loyal or those who don’t really know what’s going on.”

“Matt was a friend, a close friend, to everyone at one point,” Geoff added. “Can you really kill him without being sure?”

“Um, yeah,” Ryan said and Ray nodded.

“Well we’re not gonna do that,” Geoff snapped. “Look can you guys just…trust me? Have I ever let you down?”

“Yes,” everyone replied.

“I meant when it’s important!”

“No…”

Geoff collapsed in his chair. “I fucking hate you all.”

Jack patted him sympathetically on the shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! This update took forever, mostly because I got my hands on Breath of the Wild and it absorbed my life. But now we're back in action. This chapter will lead into several of the GTA heists AH did so we'll see the Crew return to the prison shortly under very different circumstances. And what exactly is Funhaus doing in Los Santos anyway? Stay tuned!


End file.
